CONFESSION

I'm going to say this with a bit of caution and a bit of pride-- I had an "interesting week" to say the least-- i have had a crash course in #ILLUMINATI #NWO #ZIONISM #BlackOps #PsyOps and #Mossad-- they are gone now [sorta] but while this was happening a DEAD BODY was found next door. 

Also, a "missing" flyer was posted stating that I was missing.

Let me assure you, I am neither dead nor missing-- and unless you hear it from ME - don't let town criers throw #FalseFlags. 

Furthermore, these people mean business. I have never been more sure of that than I am right now. And they are all over Twitter AND FaceBook.  I asked Michael to remove someone from this group beuause he was creating a distraction and false flags on twitter, Michael complied, and for that I am grateful. 

My bloodline-- Illuminati or not-- is almost irrelevant here-- but what I can tell you-- WHAT YOU MUST KNOW-- is that I have aspergers syndrome.  My body language may seem a little off-- my voice may be a little too loud-- BUT during the Nazi Mind Control experiments what they learned is that even when "doctors" induced trauma they COULD NOT MIND CONTROL [eg #Monarch programmming / #MKULTRA] people with #autism or #aspergers.  These people will be back-- of that I am certain-- and I do hope you will bring your concerns to me directly rather than believe everything you read.  My writing is consistent-- my message is clear.

Can I get 10-4 / OVER from anybody?

I AM NOT MIND CONTROLLED -- and I will not steer you wrong -- unless you deserve it ;-)

Just me,

@ELyssaD

xoxo,

e

Close the Digital Divide: I'm still in the yellow

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Know Words

YOU BET YOUR LIFE IT IS... YOU BET YOUR LIFE!

apathy... it never really happened until it happens to you!

#apathy #WEareNASHVILLE #dealwithit #BlackSheep #family #ONE #KnewWords #KnowWords

Pentagon vs. Wikileaks, GATA vs. CFTC, Police vs. Everyone

View My Stats

The Daily Dose of TMI: May 13, 2010 : THE COINTELPRO LEGACY

Daily dose of TMI: May 13, 3010

Staus: Halted in progress (yay me @ElyssaD)

I don't if know if you received this email. My netbook crashed as I

was sending and it froze for 26 hours.

But I did the information for SafeLink program which is wonderful

because my extremely "bazaar" and changes the cell service every few

days without informing me. Tmobile will not provide information at all

so I can't access email because they reset the password. Itonically, the ONE legal snafu with that lttle welfare phone...  the bitch fucked me there too... by claiming me AGAIN as a dependent in New York State.

As you know she claimed as a dependent on her tax returns without my

consent or knowledge.

The IRS informed me of this breach since every time I went to file my

taxed they were rejected by the IRS because it showed up a duplicate

Tax (Social Security ID)

She claims that her accountant did and she knew nothing about it (if

you could only picture my face and feel the sarcasm in voice as I am

forced to repeat this information time and time again to any and all

"agencies" who make inquired) she however does see this as a problem

and refuses to file an amended return (cost $70.00) so once again I am

rendered incapable of establishing independent (in every sense of the

word)

In addition, my father, well... Here we go...

My father as you know agreed to be my representative payee for Social

Security disability. Obviously that was a big mistake on my part and

has yet to be resolved. Congressman Cooper's office totally dropped

the ball and said there is nothing they can do. I requested that

reopen the investigation, and despite my persistent nice (which is both

annoying and immense) they simply do pretend that I don't exist.

Governor Bredesen sent an email telling me to call the President.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

So this is where we stand: no Social Security never received the money

that received in IOTOLA account during the months I spent sleeping in

my car or at the lake last summer.

And yes. I did spend a week or so at "The Mission" when I ran out of

gas, energy, and hope last August. My father still was receiving the

money, but did not pay bills, or release to me in time to prevent the

inevitable total disconnection of any and all services (utilities)

making it near impossible to re-establish service. They required

excessive fees for deposits and past due balances.

As per federal law, my father, Marc Durant is responsible for paying

those fees as they were a direct result of his failure to act in my

best interest but also a breach of fiduciary duty.

Now, to make matters worse, every time they seem to locate the

paperwork it gets redirected to the Philadelphia field office. So

The US Dept of Treasury located the funds that were never sent "in

error" some bank account (probably in the Cayman's or wherever rich

people go to hide there money ~ note both the sarcasm and the simple

fact that this is most likely true. It is sad that even to put in

these little side notes to even use the one things that through this

mess...

Dark sarcasm and a little bit of humor. I'm sick of making

excuses for these people (mother: Karen, and father: Leslie Marc

Durant) so I am laying it down on the table for whomever it cares to

question and blame me for this "unfortunate situation..

These are the facts. And I need to take a break because my fingers are

getting cramps and my back is in spasm.

But I will continue to "the facts" out as long so that I can be free

of the constant struggle to be independent, self-sufficient and

EMPLOYED! This is absurdity and I realize I have people who do see the

obvious truth here. Yet in the real world and the everyday struggle to

be "human" continues.

My mother will always be #batshitcrazy. My father will always be #abovethelaw.

But I will not always have the strength or the ability to communicate

effectively given my financial, physical and emotional reality.

I am aware. I am aware that this is too much for one person to handle

and I don't blame those walk away in disgust and frustration because

they don't understand the intricate details of the law or the immense

emotional drama AND trauma that I face each day without resolution.

I understand that people need to believe that these are the ramblings

of a mad woman. If that were true I would say by all means, give me

the strongest does of anti psychotics asap. As I think most people are

starting to realize, unfortunately, these facts check out.

There is no treatment for the habitual and continued ignorance of the

public at large.

It is not my job soothe them or educate them as in law, sociology, and

"the world according to me @ElyssaD"

I do the best I can because I know how serious and pervasive certain

components of my story ring true for a number of people.

I will do the best I can to fight that stigma and the emotional

torture I live with every single say.

Godammit, I hope this thing sends. It is bad enough that I am typing

all this shit on cell phone because AT&T wants a $400 non refundable

fee plus $150 deposit, plus $49 for installation for internet

So in the spirit of which it was intended: Send, send, send!

and don't bounce back now, ya hear?

Wishing myself luck. I know these words are dangerous to some,

especially in light of the guy who got arrested for sending out a

threatening tweet. Yeah, ~ insert sarcasm about here ~ if you think

my words are "dangerous" than you need you deserve to be scared!

(Laughs to oneself as I know I am not a physical threat to anyone but

let's face it, if you don't get it you never will. And if this is a

lesson is Social Darwinism, let the dumb ones live in fear! And to

quote (without permission or proper citation to be added!) But

"If this tweet offends you, probably deserve it!"

 @icpchad Yes. I am aware. Now format this bitch and enter it into your contest.

I deserve win something. Maybe an iTHINGY or iNTERNET. Not just iWANT

that is a legitimate iNEED in the world I live in.

File under: Disambiguation, Crime, Social Justice / Human Rights;

Crime, Crisis, Digital Divide, Cognitive Dissonance, Conspiracy Theory

This is me, just me

@ElyssaD

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---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Elyssa Durant

Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 19:32:58 -0500

Subject: New Microsoft Office Word Document

To: elyssa.durant@yahoo.com, ELYSSA DURANT

Thanks Stacy... I had a hearing at Social Security about two weeks ago.

Very depressing. It cost $44 to or transportation, and they already

reversed the decision now I have to go back again and file the same

paperwork.

I have not received anything from Section 8 which has me concerned,

and my I am a really difficult time with without internet, TV,

transportation.... or even a library w/in walking distance.

Especially with the weather this weekend... I had no idea until I

heard the sirens. and then of everything was closed... and in 'the

hood" it is cash culture, so of course ppl became very aggressive [aka

mean] fighting over bottle of water and at the gas station when they

reopened.

my mother cancelled changed the password on the "family plan" after we

had "words" regarding well... really nothing... but today has just

been especially difficult since I don't have reliable phone service...

which of course is both a security and comfort issue for someone who

writes as a form of therapy..

I just this alert on my computer email... I don't even know where to start...

I received the invitation to the info session on WIPA that you guys

did...unfortunately transportation is problematic.

I have been receiving of lot of from people online... as silly as it

sounds there are so many ppl isolated and lonely. So I found they have

forums for ppl with PTSD and it has been very helpful to have eed back

that I am not the only one feeling left behind in the disability

movement.

Apparently I managed to reach a few ppl locally who call [my number is

public] to ask if I had any success with the housing and re-employment

programs. it makes me feel like I can be of some service to the

community... social services just got hear so I need to sign off but I

have received so many fraud alert that other people e.g., EFF and

other human right agencies have started to ask about my story.

All I can say is that I did write a review online for the Ctr 4 Ind

living at disabilty.gov website when they were looking to for feedback

on reemployment programs... I also had an I usa today and the

hufffington post that made me hopeful and regret at the same time...

this is a recent post ii got tons of feed back on... it is long, but

ppl really seen=m to relate...

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Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.

Nashville, Tennessee

(615) 424-8810

"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."

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ago)______________________________

On Wed, May 5, 2010 at 9:29 AM, Stacy Youngman wrote:

Hey Elyssa,

I was just wondering how things are going and if you are doing ok.

Please let me know!

Hope you are well.

Thanks,

Stacy Youngman, MSSW

Community Work Incentives Coordinator

Center for Independent Living

955 Woodland Street

Nashville, TN 37206

Phone: (615) 292-5803

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On Wed, May 5, 2010 at 9:29 AM, Stacy Youngman wrote:

Hey Elyssa,

I was just wondering how things are going and if you are doing ok.

Please let me know!

Hope you are well.

Thanks,

Stacy Youngman, MSSW

Community Work Incentives Coordinator

Center for Independent Living

955 Woodland Street

Nashville, TN 37206

Phone: (615) 292-5803

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_________________________________________________________________

Posted via email from ElyssaD's Posterous

On The Verge of Reform... Tic Toc... 24 hours... TIC TOC #dead line

Finish the Reform Right

DAILY HEALTH CARE NEWS 1/28/2010


LOOK BACK TO FAST FORWARD

Take Action

Homeless at Home: March 26, 2001

In addition to copies of my medical and financial records, I bring Michael Elliot's book, Why the Homeless Don't Have Homes and What to Do About It

I skim the list of references and I see names I recognize: Jonathan Kozol; Faulkner; Foucault, and I know I am in good company.

I begin my second journey to the Multipurpose Center #54 on Sutphin Boulevard in Jamaica, Queens; I try to prepare myself for the four-to-six hour wait that inevitably lies ahead of me.

It is my hope that buried deep within these pages and Elliot’s years of experience and wisdom, I will find some solution to my problem.

After my first few days in New York City, I quickly learn that the homeless cannot vote nor can we obtain a library card. Knowledge is power. Information challenges the status quo. Books are my friends.

When I browse through Barnes & Noble, I often see titles that catch my eye; and though I know nothing of the content, I am inherently drawn to Night is Dark and I am Far From Home by Kozol, and Tell Them Who I Am by Elliot Liebow.

Today is March 26, 2001; My first journey to Multipurpose Center #54 was January 26, 2001: exactly 2 months ago; After many calls to NYC No-Heat Hotline to complain about the situation, I still have no heat. I have no electricity and no water. My caseworker did not tell me she would be leaving her position with Protective Services for Adults (PSA) and I have not been contacted by any with Health and Human Resources (HRA) since March 5, 2001.

On March 7, 2001, I drove my beat-up 1994 Honda Civic over to the emergency room at NYU. By the time I arrived at East 23rd pulled over and asked two officers in the 3rd precinct to please take my car and help me find my way to the ER since my panic was overwhelming and I had lost touch with my senses and felt I was a danger on the roads; I had now lost my sense of direction both in concrete terms and in the abstract vision I had painted of my life.

Officer Collins and her partner, Officer Gavin did not laugh at me; they did not tell me I was crazy or delusional. They let me catch my breath and miraculously managed to calm my fears and prepare me for the short trip in the ambulance to the ER. Officer Gavin's wife has four cats. Officer Collins was off duty, yet she stayed with me.

In the ER for what seemed like several hours. True to their word, they miraculously got my car out to Long Island where it was placed in a garage safe from the NYC Department of Finance.

I hate cops. Always have. Ever since I found out my Daddy was a Fed. But they were an exception to the rule. There is always an exception to the rule. "Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it" (Chinese proverb)

Yesterday I was grateful for the sunny weather and a place to stay. Today it is snowing. Tomorrow I must return to Multipurpose Center #54 to file another application for Public Assistance. The weather may be nice or it may be cold, but night is coming and I am far from home. And I beg of you, tell them my name. Tell them I have a name. And last but not least, tell them who I am.

The Write Words

When I first started posting this blog shortly after my 35th birthday, it was a gift to myself so I could live my life without being too scared that I might be discovered for being a little bit crazy, a little bit lonely, and making a whole lot of noise.

I started by disclosing my deepest secrets, often exposing to my deepest fears. Initially I chose the motto: "Too old to start over, Too young to forget."

Eventually that moniker evolved into something a little more challenging and inspirational, "Too old to start over, Too young to give up."

Now that my 36th birthday is now behind me, I plan to spend this anniversary celebrating my new age demographic bracket uncovering some the essays I have written that still need a little tweaking, and a whole lot of twacking! So be prepared to find a few typos, a few disconnected thoughts without making an obvious transition. Because I am naming the next phase of my life, you know, the "35 and up" phase, "Chapter II: A Little Bit Older, And a Whole Lot Bolder."

I have enjoyed the feedback I have gotten from so many people from all walks of life who have written in response to something I have written. Women I have never met, from places I do not know.

Women like Joy and Cat who encourage me to keep writing even if they disagree with some of my core values or excessive use of profanity. Women (or men) who have somehow managed to stumble across my writings in one of their many raw forms without realizing that just by contacting me, much of the fear and hesitation I once felt about publishing my collection of personal (and professional) essays have been replaced with a new found sense of pride and accomplishment. Fear and uncertainty have are quickly evolving into confidence and proliferation.

Personally, professionally, and spiritually, I hope to continue "kicking ass and taking names," because at this point in my life, it seems to be working. Maybe we should all start doing that a little bit more.. .holding ourselves and each other accountable for our actions... and at times our decision not-to-act.

You will notice that I am reclaiming my name and uncovering the many aliases I have used over the years... I am done hiding.

I'm am not perfect, and I will always struggle with my obsession to find just The Write Words, but I'm guessing it is probably good enough. Probably good enough so that most people will won't even notice if I forget to capitalize a proper noun or if I end a sentence with a preposition. So be it. How ironic that I happened to discover just today an essay I wrote for an application posted online? Sample of personal statement for pharmacy school - Healthcare.com

www.healthcare.com/tags/sample-of-personal-statement-for-pharmacy-school/

Grassroots Advocacy. An interview with Stand for Children in Nashville, Tennessee. Content Producer: Elyssa Durant Published: Jan 10, 2008 ...

Sample of personal statement for pharmacy school - Healthcare.com

Funny, because they didn't think I was good enough at the time. Subsequently... neither did I. Maybe they should consider retunrning returning the application fee.

You may also notice that I am reclaiming my name, and will be using try to cut down on the number of anonymous postings I listed under an alias because I was afraid I would be embarrassed if my work was not well received.

I am ranges from the less obvious accounts I have created to maintain a bit of distance between myself and my classmates, peers, and colleagues, but in addition to "Miss Elyss" or "Lyssie D." I am even willing to admit that I have created so many login accounts and user names to post anonymously, that I have forgotten most of the passwords to access my own content. But I am rather proud of the creativity I demonstrated when I came up with two of my personal favorites, "I.M.Phobic" and "EyePhobic." I never could get into that whole IM thing, webcam or chat rooms! The way I see it, it is bad enough i need to put on clothes and make-up to leave the house-- I'll be damned if I have to put on make-up to send an e-mail!

Yes, they were all me. They are a pert of me, because like so many women-- no... like so many people... I'm a little bit of everything... so for those of you who are listening and even to those of you who just wish I would shut the fuck up already; be careful what you wish for! The more content I create, the easier it becomes to let go... and the more I let go, the more I can heal. The more I can heal, the more I can focus on the academic issues that will always be my first and primary area of interest. However, it seems rather obvious to me now that the only way out is through. So, I will continue to write through the dark and hope that it I can become more present minded rather than being trapped by memories from the past.

To Joy, Cat, TA James, and a few others, thanks so much for the gift. I hope I can make you proud!

Tweet y'all later.... I really need to get some rest. The battle is still far from over.

Who Do You Trust?

No money to refile my app with Metro Public Schools. I don't have the application fees or the fee Metro charges all applicants to pay to process the application fees; the fees for fingerprinting, the FBI background check, or to update my transcripts with the certification office.


Since my Masters degree is an education, I am not qualified to do anything more than substitute at $10,46/hour. No benefits. No security.


The application fee is non-negotiable.
Once dedicated toward empowering youth through education, I was also drawn toward misunderstood children and adolescents when I went to work as a therapist, and crisis counselor in what my job with Department of Children's Services [DCS.]

I have a knack for connecting with the lost: I speak their language.


[SORRY DRAFT COPY-- MUST GET TO THE court house! ]



Voter Apathy: January 7, 2008, p. 2
[Available in full: http://www.nashvillecitypaper.com/

The Final Chapter: Where I Stand Now

Part I: Insurance Department: File Number #95-192-1535


I would like to review the merits of an Insurance Investigation that ultimately ruled in my favor that concluded on April 16, 1996. File No. 95192-07586

Unfortunately, this is a very complicated case that involves tax and insurance fraud, because I recently learned that for the last 14 years, my parents have been using my social security number to claim as (1) an employee -- thus covered under an ERISA beneficiary plan that I have never been able to access and (2) was claimed as a dependent on my mother's NY State tax return for many years making impossible for me to file taxes or obtain insurance, disability benefits, or student financial aid since neither parent is willing to release a copy of their return.

I filed a complaint with the Pennsylvania Insurance Department in 1995, and received response six moths after the policy had expired. Despite the considerable evidence I provided to the Insurance Dept. and Pennsylvania Blue Shield, I was told that despite the overwhelming evidence that I provided, Blue Shield / Insurance Dept.] did not have the authority to override the terms of the contract. I did not collect any damages of mandatory federal fines, because I could not do that without legal assistance.

Since ERISA mandates that all beneficiaries (including insured dependents) be given a copy of the policy (among other forms of insurance identification, e.g., EOBs, Insurance ID C, and a copy of the policy, my requests for ERISA mandated materials were repeatedly denied until Jason Manne made a Title IV-D request from the Pennsylvania Dept. of Public Welfare. After sending a letter to Pensylvania Blue Shield, my insurance carrier to inform them that they in accordance with federal law, they must honor my request for a copy of the insurance policy.

The insurance Department came to the same conclusion: that my rights under federal law had been violated, but because this situation was unprecedented in the state of Pennsylvania, it took approximately 9 months before BCBS decided to send me the necessary documentation. In addition, my plan had expired, and BCBS refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation (which would have been extended from 18 months to 36 since I was disabled at the time of the qualifying event plan supporting my initial request for federally mandated information in accordance with ERISA 4236.

Blue Shield refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation and / or a reassignment of benefits so those providers could be reimbursed directly. According to their attorney, Tija Hilton-Phillips, they had no obligation to provide me with any information about COBRA continuation and shifted the burden of responsibility onto the plan administrator and/or fiduciary. In addition to having the terms of my policy falsified in writing, I was unable to identify the plan administrator of fiduciary. Since federal law requires that all plans be filed with the Dept. of Labor, I contacted them on multiple occasions and wrote several letters requesting a copy of claims made under the policy, the plan fiduciary, administrator, and the specific type of ERISA plan (e.g., self-insured) that was on filed in accordance with federal law. Again, my verbal requests were denied. I then sent a written request to the regional office in Philadelphia but again, received no response.

Washington requests in Washington in accordance with federal law. , e.g., self-insured, their assistance in (with information Furthermore, the Dept. of Labor requesting this information were never answered. I never found out the name of the plan administrator or the fiduciary, and was never offered COBRA continuation, and then BCBS refused to let me continue under COBRA, claiming they were not obligated to offer it to... so who is ultimately held accountable in these situations.


When I first filed this complaint against BCBS, each agency denied responsibility despite the overwhelming evidence that I had provided. Although I was only 22 at the time, I spent my days and nights reading up on insurance, labor and employment law, and subsequently came to believe that aside from violating my natural rights, I had been denied due process protections and requested legal assistance from advocacy organizations in New York, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. I was unable to find any one who would take my claims seriously, and could not find anyone to take my case pro-bono or on contingency. Eventually, I moved to Nashville, TN and tried to recover from the physical injuries and the new emotional scars that left me cynical and bitter about a judicial system that consistently fails to enforce natural and human rights.


Everyone I spoken to thus far reiterates the same statement-- practically verbatim, "I sympathize with your dilemma, yet, as you know, our office does not have the jurisdiction to assist you in this matter." I sought the assistance of an attorney at Shnaeder Harrison years ago (regarding Pennsylvania Act 62) and Jason Manne in the Dept. of Public Welfare.

Although I may be biased, I believe this case has substantial social merit and long standing implications for children in the state of Pennsylvania. I am a reputable witness, and have 5 years of doctoral studies under my belt in the field of social policy.

I have been unsuccessful in my search for a competent litigator (unfortunately, this is an unprecedented case that touches on all the hot issues before the 3rd circuit including ERISA and the State's interest in Equal Educational Opportunity and due process protections for children (and adults) who are "victimized twice... first by their parents, and then, again by a judicial system who fails to protect them" (it's been a while, but I believe that is a paraphrase of the dissenting opinion from Justice Montemuro in Curtis v. Klein.)

In many ways, I feel it is too late for me to recover what I lost due to a snag in the law and a few loopholes in the system. I have collected evidence for over 14 years because I used to believe that justice might prevail.

If she has an interest in looking bold into the face of police corruption, I would like to share my story (and the documents) to be sure no other child in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania falls victim to such heinous crimes due to legal technicalities from an outdated piece of legislation. It has been 14 years since my case was “abandoned” by the state judicial system in the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas. It is time to have these loop holes closed for good and ensure equal protection under the law for all children—not just those who are lucky enough to have a fair hearing or be heard before they reach the age of majority.

With the support and inspiration, I received from some very kind and brilliant professors in sociology and social policy, plan to submit a book proposal to document the sequence of events that still astound me and curious onlookers who take a quick peek as they casually pass in and out of my life. You see, it is much like a traffic accident-- people like to take comfort in seeing the tragedy of a broken man and his family demonstrating the social injustices and inequity resulting from a stratified society where only "violent" criminals or those who commit acts that violate or impede the natural rights of others are not taken seriously by the judicial system or the public at large. Unaware of the consequences that arise from dual standards in the worst of academic snobbery and intellectual elitism -- living a lifestyle they might otherwise envy.

I would appreciate assistance in restoring my social security number and account so that I do not have live in constant fear. If that means either relocating to another country and/or having my name and social security number changed or restored, it is probably well worth the inconvenience if it means there is still hope for living a peaceful existence.

Part II: Duplication of Benefits: Medicaid to the Rescue
The Application and Appeal for Disability Benefits

I remember how difficult it was for me to obtain benefits when I first applied several years ago. I am deeply concerned about how the most recent decision to eradicate yet another class of TennCare / Medicaid recipients (the Daniels class made up of SSI recipients by way of a pending federal waiver) will affect the poor and disabled residents in Tennessee. Without my current level of benefits, I simply do not function.


Before my benefits were stabilized, learning to navigate the system consumed every waking moment of my life. I was unable to work or attend school on any substantial level and I am frightened to see at might happen if I were to stray from my established, stabilized, treatment plan. If I lose my benefits, will I still be able to work? To function? To be productive?


Any new public program requires careful planning if it is to be effective. Recent discussions have not focused on the true impact these changes will have on the "street-level."


Has anyone asked recipients how they feel the new program (safety- net) should be designed, implemented, or evaluated? How will this impact the community and other social service or welfare agencies??? I want access, quality, and outcomes. I want... I want... I want!!!


The massive number of people being dis-enrolled or limited in their access to medical care and other social services will no doubt create significant anxiety, confusion, and chaos for everyone involved in the social service and health care industries.


I remember when Mr. Brian Lapps was somewhere very high up on the corporate TennCare ladder in 1999 when they adjusted the prescription formulary over Memorial Day in 1999. I see Mr. Lapps quite frequently since he now works at the local gas station down the street from where I live.


To this day, he insists that cell phones and TennCare are somehow contraindicated. Perhaps he knows nothing of the population he claims to know just all-too-well... housing conditions that may or may not have electricity, broken families-some riddled with community violence and domestic disturbances. In the hood, your cell phone is your very best friend. 9-1-1.


These people plagued by domestic violence and community instability makes a cell phone the only logical option. How can you find a job with out a phone? How can you find a home with out a job? Yet even 6 years later, Mr. Lapps uses cellular phones as an example how the TennCare program is being abused by lazy, cheap, and unscrupulous second hand citizens who are just shiftless lazy bums waiting around for their next free hand-out.


Anyone who has EVER applied for or relied upon any kind of government subsidy to have their basic needs met, e.g., food, shelter, medical care, dental treatment, etc... let me personally assure you that there has never been a single time where I felt I was "pulling one over" on the government. I am not just one of the poor saps who believed what they told me they in school, I bought it hook, line, and sinker for the mere price of $152,718.130 and not a shred of financial security to show for it.


Even after consolidating my student loans, the interest alone is $10 less than my monthly income from social security.


Tennessee is in the process of applying for yet ANOTHER federal waiver to eliminate the "Daniels" class of Medicaid recipients-- the poorest and sickest of all. SSI Recipients. Can you live on $623.00 / month? Can anyone?


So what happens now that the state of Tennessee will begin to cut off social security recipients from TennCare? I honestly do not think I can survive yet another re-certification process-- God knows the first one almost killed me. After three years of appeals, my condition had deteriorated so severely that I was forced to drop out of school, lost my home, lost my sanity, and lost hope. In short-- I lost my dignity and my belief in the social welfare system.


By the time my benefits were approved, I had already checked myself in to NYU Psych Ward because simply could not cope with the reality of what my life I had become. I weighed 94 pounds and suffered in excruciating pain that has only gotten worse with time. My extremities were ice cold, and my hands were numb since I went without medical treatment for the spinal injury that was first discovered when I was 22.


I am now 36 years old. My spinal cord is now damaged from years of delayed, sub-standard medical treatment. I owe the federal government $179,982.00 in student loans and when I am able to work, I make $10.46 / hour as a substitute teacher in an urban school district. That job comes with no security and no benefits. It does however offer the flexibility I need to receive the bi-monthly epidural injections and other procedures necessary to manage my pain and alleviate the numbness I feel because of the damage to my nerves. And even though I cannot afford the gas money to get my appointments, pay for all of my medication, or even to get back and forth to work, it does allow me a few weeks of mobility so I can drive, use my mouse or hold a pen.


I have an advanced master's degree from an Ivy League Institution. I am 12 credits shy of a PhD in public policy. And despite maintaining a 3.83 grade point average while completing an advanced masters in social and educational policy at an, "Ivy League" institution; a 3.2 GPA during the 3 years I spent working on my doctorate at a not-quite-so-prestigious Graduate School; The Powers That Beat in that damn Ivory Tower don't will not grant me any leniency by extending the amount or time permitted to complete my degree-- a rule that was changed while I was on a formal leave of absence tending to my health (and my Medicaid appeals!). Not only did they decide 8 years was the rule instead of the 10 it had been previously, I was also told that I could not even transfer the credits I had earned toward a different degree towards another program at the same institution. It has been just over ten years since I first enrolled. What a mistake that was!


The "Harvard of the South" no longer officers the degree to which I was admitted-- and enrolled so they actually suggested that I pay for a 3rd application to the school (I was admitted into two degrees-- the MPP as well as the PhD program in a separate college) requiring two independent applications, fees, transcripts, test scores, even way back when I was still considered a promising candidate. Now "they" think it is reasonable to ask that I do it all over again??? It goes without saying that I do not have the financial resources available to finish my last semester, take the GREs or GMATs one more time, or even the money to release my transcripts from the Graduate School into any other program at the same University, I guess I am just shit out of luck.


To be clear, WE ARE ALL PAYING for that student debt because I can assure you that their endowment is far greater than any income or earning potential I have given my current financial status and student loan debt! To be clear, YOU ARE ALL PAYING to keep me on Welfare. Yes, all of us are paying some price..... We I want to work. I want to be productive. I want to be a part of something greater than myself. I want to share what I've learned.


So throughout the years I struggled to stay in school, believing somehow that social justice would prevail, and my heart and dedication towards the greater good would show through to whomever, wherever, or whatever that could make my degree worth while-- the Medicaid and disability applications managed to take front seat. So as I filed appeal after appeal after appeal, I managed to acquire well over 1/4 million (yes-- MILLION) dollars in debt due to uninsured medical expenses and student loans. Despite having 3 Major Medical insurance policies, I still went bankrupt applying for Medicaid. Morally Bankrupt.


My life will never be the same. My heart will never be the same. I want to pay my bills on time. I want to get off welfare, but no one ever taught me how to be poor.


So after all this-- now I face losing my healthcare once again? Where is the safety net? Where is the American Dream that I so diligently chased after for so many years? What was the point spending so much on an education that will never be utilized? I understand the how; I just don't understand why.


Maybe one of these days Vanderbilt University or and the Department of Education will realize it might just be cheaper to hire me that harass me, because unless I find a real paying job soon, their collections department will no longer be able to reach me on that extravagant lifeline my friend, Brian Lapps, refers to as a luxury.


If anyone on your staff would like to "trade places" with me for one month-I will gladly assume his/her responsibilities for that position if you can find a writer who is willing to endure and write about the reality of social services in our fine state. I do not want a paycheck from your organization; I just want the opportunity to put the myth of freeloading welfare mother s to rest. Live in my shoes for 30 days. Can you find the out? Can you balance my budget and make it work? Can you get the bill collectors of my back? Can you afford Internet service to file state job applications and apply for services online? Can you maintain pride and dignity without feeling the least bit sorry for yourself and the choices you have made?


When I go to the pharmacy, I am humiliated that I do not have the $3.00 necessary for the co-pay on my covered TennCare prescriptions. At least when it was $40 dollars, I was not so damn embarrassed by my lack of funds.


Remind me again why I went to school. Remind me once more why I bother to speak out. Then remind me right now that that there is somebody listening. I cannot be the only one who actually gives a crap. My contact information is listed below.



Part III: The Final Appeal: While Frozen in Time My Life Comes to Halt
An Appalling Appeal: It Was Never Reviewed: Appeal Filed September 11, 2009

Today I was finally able to submit handed in the appeal I waited over three years to submit. And it is just an APPEAL!

Not even a decision. Not a win, but also not a loss.

The APPEAL has given me the strength to keep going. In part because it shows that I haven't lost and in part because it means that somebody actually listening.

So listen carefully, my friends. It was not too long ago that I had almost everything a young person needs to succeed in this world.

Or maybe not.

As for my most current insurance dispute... I feel that I have done everything humanly possible to be sympathetic towards health care provider who is NOT providing care. I cannot sacrifice my own well being for every bright eyed bushy tailed wanna be who is too stupid to see that I am far from.

I had such a battle this week. It culminated in the end like every other battle I have taken on. I only won because ultimately but we are all losing.

For every underqualifed, health care provider who has NOT provided the adequate, there are many more like me. Alienated just enough to give up on fashion, etiquette and social norms, but not enough to walk from it all.

We are keeping watch. We are taking names, and I for one do not give a rat's ass about "keeping the peace."

Having been on both sides if the proverbial couch, I have the perspective is both enlightening and scary at the same time. I look back and want to say shout "told you so" from the nearest roof top.

Crazy is crazy does... out loud. I may be enjoying this just a little too much.

Sometimes I try to look at this fight, (I meant to say this life) objectively.

I can see my own future, and I can see where it is taking me. I know how it will end it I don't keep up the pace.

It is amazing at how far we will go to have nothing at all.

I have come this far, and on some level I almost enjoy the dance. No. On some level, I actually love the dance.

No. I won't give up now. Because without this turmoil, this means to an end, this demonstration project of futility and determination, and without it, I am nothing at all. I can't lose what I never had. I won’t be another sell-out-- mostly because I don't know how.

I am then the voice of perseverance. I am one voice of perseverance. I am one of 47 million Americans. And today I am I am still fighting the good fight.

This battle; this challenge; this half won war this fight has come to define me. And without that, I am not really much of anything at all...

As someone once told me, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. I've already fallen, but I sure as shit stand for something.

"... so for now, I write. Maybe later listen. And if there is any justice left in this world, maybe someday, I'll actually live. "

Good night, folks. It is time for that break.

Elyssa Durant
Nashville, Tennessee




Part IV: The Final Outcome
Where I Stand Today? I Have No Fucking Idea


Social Security Informed Me My Coverage Will End Today, July 1, 2009.
This letter was written, at 4:33 EST. Over and Out.

I just received a letter from the United States Congress.
Please summon the angels. I need some good news.

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee, USA

Krazy is, Krazy Does

Sorry for the disconnect... phone battery went dead. There is some good news (finally) Judge -- will be on the bench tomorrow...

Thank f'ing G-d! Because he is only person I can think of might actually take a look at the FACTS rather than the rumors. How many times do I have to call TennCare, Social Security, or the Mental Health Coop to tell to fix their own mistakes?

Ironically (and yes, I do think it is okay to cry, but also think it okay to laugh at your own problems too ("Lean to laugh at your problems, everyone else will.” When I told my rep payee to take good records, I let him know that even IF he things I'm pout my mind with paranoia, It would be so much easier to just do that than it would be to deal with me.

Legal Aid won't represent me because they said they limited resources-- well guess what? SO DO I!!!!

I went back the pharmacy and THEY DELETED scripts from my record.

Legal Aid & Pro-bono said they cannot recommend anyone to take my case for free since my father and sister are both attorneys they told me that they would have to either (1) come to Nashville (from Austria and Philadelphia to represent me or (2) make them pay for attorney fees.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that a little fuKt up? I spoke to someone at the PHD program because they read 64044: Medical Alert.

My sister is furious with me blames me for ruining my mothers wedding in Las Vegas, oh yeah... but she IS a "LAWYER." Whatever...

I drove 30+ miles again today to get my medical records, only to learn once again, they cannot find them.

I am so glad that there are at least a few people out there who remember me from when I was a kid people, and a few people who can identify without three blood tests to be transferred to a medical facility.

Yes, I ASKED to be committed. I called for help. I said it every single way I knew how, without asking people who were most able to give it.

I never forget a slight, and I am extremely grateful to people who didn't ask questions or doubt my intentions. I will hold themin my my thoughts, and can safely peomise that I will never again call upon you for help.

There is something to be said for paying it forward. So to people who actually took the time to phsyically see if I was okay, and to two very specuial ladies who brought me vclothing after everything I had in my possession ws taken away from me... and to the photographer who actually observed my injuries, thank you. I canhonestly say that I took one for the team. For the tweeters and twackers who let me know I was alone in my journey.. you're right I wasn't. You can tweet for peeps without bering certifiably nuts. That's not to say I am not certifiably nuts, but I thinks it rather pretentious for y'all to think that you know my mind better than I do after after 36 years. I want to believe that this feel connected to a world filled with hatred, bigotry and violence.... I made it through. And I already paid it forward.

It is pretty clear what I need, and I so tired of people asking why I can't find one. Have you seen the news? What I need is hot water. What I need is a safe place to go. What I need is the idiot who fucked up my computer to fix the damn thing. I wouldn't having a safe place for Spotty, and a little bit of acceptance. So out of respect for people that I once held in high regard, I chose to take the proper channels. I fed them information without claiming ownership... I sold a news story for $1.00. Kool... I made a dollar last year. That will pay the bills.

There were people I respected and admired, and now see as shallow and insincere. People who are afraid to be associated with someone "like" me? What exactly does that mean anyway? Aren't you impressed that I'm a Harvard Lagacy? Am I not one of the "Chosen People?"

Do you think I am living on a tiotal income of $615.00/month because it is fun?

If you can do better, pleeeeeze let me know...

If I can see somebody else doing it, then maybe I could figure out how to do it myself. I am willing to learn from anyone. Just think of all the valuabnle lessons Hitler taught us??? Yes, people are sheep.

I learned even your mistakes, so is there nothing of value that I can bring to this community???

Would you like to try going on welfare for three months or so? I think yo would enjoy the application process. After all there is nothing quite like it in the world.

So, I was "ordered" not to vvolunteer, not to call the police if I hear gun shots, because only crazy people call 911 several times in one day. Only thing is, "crazy" people exagerate the situation, so clearly if I have lived for three years, then I can certainly wait another few months. Really?

I am only allowed to use than 100 words or less in my written correspondence. Thank God for

Twitter, it is good training.

BTW (by the way ;-) The Gettysburg Address was only 267 words. Less than two tweets. Granted, I am no Lincoln, but every once in a while, I do say something important.
There is something to be said for brevity, but their is also something to be said about honesty, isolation, and the value of technology for people with disabilities. So let this be my project for "Save The Internet" because Legal Aid thought it was kinda funny when I told them that my Internet was scheduled to be diconnected.

Who needs the internet anyway? Who needs information, access, a forum, a voice??? And even if some tweets make me laugh, is that so bad?? Maybe even a small diversion from reality? Am I not worthy?

I foolishly believed that by volunteering in the community, I would come accross a real job with real wages and real benefits. Yeah, that was a great idea.

Don't worry.. I learned my lesson. I will volunteer no more. After all, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

Let it be known I'm a pretty quick study. I am cursed with a exceptionally vivid memory. My cortisol levels have been running low since '95. You figure it out. (Robert Sapolsky: Why Zebra's Don't Get Ulcers)

I am truly offended by the events that led people to call my family half way around the world and the country, when all they really needed to fdo was ask me. Not all "kids" are lost... some don't want to be found.

I was told to "go home." Well guess what, people? I am home.

Who thought it was a good idea to call my mommy and daddy to tell them how I am "embarrassing myself?"

Really??? Do You think they care? KUDOS TO YOU!
www.youtube.com/v/xumsvSi8qz0&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&border=1">

Yes, I am reckless, I am loud, I am always right, and I am "out of my mind fucking nuts" also known as "OTWFN: Off The Wall Fucking Nuts" and that is the presumption. Don't forget, I am very much father's daughter, and am very much my mother's alibi. So thanks. Points!

All the better for them because the crazier I am, the less embarrassed they feel. How about some extra credit for their excellent parenting skills.

Crazy? Loud? Different?

Guilty, as charged. I am sooo embarrassed... how dare I post crazy shit like this online? Don't I know how bazzaar that seems? Don't you? Because let's face it... there are two possibilities:

(1) I'm telling the truth, and it's serious,

~or~

(2) I'm NOT telling the truth, and it's serious.

So for everyone who told me to go home... did you actually think my parents would rush in to rescue me? You have my parents would rush in to rescus me... sorry, but no. Now I'm stuck here.

And for the record, even suggesting that there is "home" to go to... well than YOU haven't been paying attention.

Don't you realize I am home?

I find it so hard to believe that after all this time people find it easier to speak around me and actrually think that is in my best interests? Sorry, but no.

And, you need not worry-- I don't need to be told twice where I'm not welcome.

I am less than 20 miles from several people who called Philadelphia, only to find that they don't want me either. Why would they possibly want to have me in their pristine, well-decorated homes when you paint such a lovely picture.

Guess what-- I' have never even seen my father's home... nor do I expect an invitation to Thanksgiving or Christmas.

So to all the people who "phoned home" to complain about e.d., job well done, you're stuck with me now.

And since I can't get a get a job, anmd I can't really afford the gas to go anywhere, I donb't think you need to call in a crisis team. I am perfectly happy sitting here by myself listening to my favorite youtube videos and thinking about everyone else tucjed safe and snug in their Ethan Allen beds. Good night to you all... you don't need to read this, and of course, you can ALWAYS hit delete.

That makes me sick. I never was really was a child, and it is really odd that people would start treating like one now. That is such bullshit, because child support was terminated on August 15, 1988. No other provisions were made, and I earned more money at 14 than I did in the last 10 years out together.

I miss the Barge. I think it is ridiculous that people would complain that I am "embarrassing myself.” At least I'm willing to take ownership of that one... was it less embarrassing to find out my mother contacted my professors and withdrew from classes because I was "too ill" to go to school.

Is any less embarrassing then being left at the airport on Thanksgiving Day? Or told that you do not deserve to go the dentist, that you can't sleep in the guest room if you have nightmares because you I might ruin the furnituDo think I actually give a shit about embarrassing myself? Do you think for a second they are counting on it? Did you think for one moment that there might, just, may be a reason I do not want to go home.

Is it less embarrassing than having your mother finds you "housing" at a long-term state psychiatric hospital, or being told that you might not have a fill on your soda because it cost $1.00? Is it any less embarrassing than finding out you have a new two months after he was born?

Yeah, I am embarrassed. Send me to Canada PLEEEZE!!!

Yes, I can act crazy. Yes, I may be crazy, and I sure a sh-t wish I was because there might be a possibility that created all of this "in my head.” It is not normal to have 43 addresses on file. It is not normal to care more about a cat than any single human alive. So, no, I am not normal, but does that make me bad? Does it make me dangerous? Does it want being told to "leave town" or take my own my own life so that society is not burdened by caring for me financially? Well, guess what-- I do not really care anymore, and there been many times in my life where I would rather not be alive, I refuse to let "them" Not like that.

So for so many people who have silenced me before, keep in mind I am NOT psychotic. And I am definitely not "normal"

I am done. I so "over it" by now that if your embarrassed by my actions than you are giving me way too much power. I can own behavior, and I can accept my feelings. If you.

But I will not live in fear for the rest the of my life. And if I do get evicted tomorrow, so be it. It won't be the first time. And if your really lucky, there will some great new books donated to the public library. Yes, I AM ANGRY. Anger is a very strong emotion that is key to motivational theory. So yes, I am angry AND I am motivated.

According to my mother, lovely little creature that she is, I was evicted form childhood homes in Cherry Hill, Lawrence, Great Neck (North and South) and yes, of course, that was somebody else’s fault too.

Apparently was all my stepmother's fault. Nice. At least their mother would not allow them to be thrown away with each new boyfriend, tummy tuck, Jaguar or diamond ring.

So aren’t you guys glad you called my parents because now your stuck with me, my medical bills, and student debt. Isn't that special? I came here to WORK. I came here to be a part of something. I came here to lave the past behind me. I filled my long nights volunteering at the Family Shelter. I spent my dads sleeping in four-hour shifts, and hoping that my oh-so-vivid dreams might actually be pleasant for just one night.

So if and when I do leave, you can trust that I might just have to look back and think... about my death benefit of $543 dollars and the mound of debt I acquired because think I'm capable enough to work.

Why do I know that? Because I'm paying attention to the rules and I'm payoing attention to the news. It is not so random, and it not so crazy.

So here's your challenge: Blue vs. Blue; Curtis v. Klein, and Pennsylvania Act 62. But don't worry, I'm am NOT a lawyer. And I have never fioled a single lawsuit in my entire life. Yes I have filed appeals, but that'd getting old since no one bothers to follow up. What the ~ is wrong with THAT picture??????

All I can say is this, I tried. I tried damn hard. But ya know, crazy is, crazy does.

Aren't you guys lucky to have me? This is my home. This WAS my home. Thanks for making me feel so welcome. e.d. over and out.

Answering Voices from the Past...

Dearest Catherine,

Thank you for allowing us to into your world. You do not need to hide anymore. Please do not hide because you have a message of courage, bravery and oddly enough, a message of hope. I have been in this place-- a place of fear and self-doubt, and respect the courage it took for you to post such a revealing piece online for the world to see. The very act of posting this revealing poem for the world to see shows that you are a brave and honest individual who has already taken the necessary steps to move forward.

Please continue to share such insights because when you look back, you will remember this critical time of your life.

We can all learn from the power of your example— that honesty with yourself and those around you cannot, should not, and will not be silenced.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/989652/battles_in_your_mind.html?cat=42


Your honest prose gives me hope and it gives me courage. The very act of placing this online for the world to see shows me that you are; in fact, conquering those fears and lending your voice to give others the strength they need to speak out-- despite the fact that we live in a world that is often judgmental and unforgiving.

Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself. Take pride in your work, take ownership of your accomplishments; and know that you deserve it!

I always give credit where credit is due… and you my friend deserve a helluva lot... for being the woman you are, a caregiver, a writer, amd though you would never claim to be a victim, the secondary trauma as a care giver is obvious, and your true colors come through when you think no one else is looking.... Beautifully broken, perhaps... but definitely beautiful.

Do not be afraid. You are not alone; and you made a difference in my life today. Thank you.

With love, appreciation, and gratitude.

Elyssa Durant
Nashville, TN

Blink! Ground Zero

Evolution or e-volution?

Shortly after the World Trade Center 9/11 disaster in New York City, I found myself reflecting on friendships and people I have lost along the way.

I turned inside myself and began journaling on a daily basis to help myself overcome the horror and isolation that comes with such an event— Friends I had gone to school with; productive members of the community... people who had accomplished so many things I had yet to do myself. So different from the I was living at the time.

The feelings were overwhelming and went far beyond fear, solitude, and I began to question my purpose in this life. Had I been just a few miles closer, heading west that day instead of east , I would have driven right into Ground Zero.

Friends circulated e-mails about form,er classmates that were presumed dead. They had families: pregnant wives, children, and all of the things that I believed I would have by the time I reached my 30’s.

I quickly realized how many of my peers had achieved at least some of the goals they set out to accomplish years earlier— and I felt pangs of guilt and sadness seeing how much they were loved, how fondly they were remembered, and how many of them were on their way to achieving great things.


By that time, I was nearing my thirtieth birthday and the list of goals I set for myself seemed hopelessly beyond my reach. Not just beyond my grasp— the future seemed ominous, scary, and it took everything I had to keep myself alive. In the months after the attack, I became increasingly aware of just how disconnected I was from my past.

Before FaceBook, there was classmates.com…. One day I got one of those e-mails that makes you feel as though someone from my past was trying to contact me. I thought long and hard before I responded.

I had a mix of emotions.

I had done everything I possibly could to quietly erase any ties or connections I had to the past. Filling out the online registration for FaceBook; responding to my 20th reunion invitations; afraid to be exposed for being poor.... but then it came tome.... I am not poor, I am merely a rich person without any money.

Because I had never lived with one parent, one house, or one school any longer than a year or two at best, it was not that hard to fade away into a distant memory. I wanted to be forgotten.

The last few weeks of my life have been anything short of living moment to moment... confronted with all the crises I wanted so badly to leave behind.... yet those experiences; my fight or flight instinct carried me through.

Thank you to all who tweeted and chatted... I made it through the storm, and I am glad to know you were there with me.

I am glad to be alive today, and I look forward to attending at least one of the three possible reunions. I hope you are glad to have me.

Cheers to you all, can't wait to see y'all at the Freak Parade!

-edd