Tuesday, May 22, 2012

My world, my way... the world at large!


"The World At Large" by Modest Mouse

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?

Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand. 

I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.

Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop. 

You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.

Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way. Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.

We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.

The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.

Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.

Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.

Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.

Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

Friday, May 18, 2012

ASSHATS: US Government Sponsored Hackers


There are a lot of things in the financial world I don’t understand. Some are due to my ignorance, such as retirement plans or hedge funds. Others simply don’t make sense.

One such example was having my tax return rejected from the IRS year after year after year. It was only recently that I learned this was due to the fact that someone had already filed a tax return using my social security number.

I made countless calls to the IRS, and although they were eventually able to identify the person who had been using my social security number fraudulently, they refuse to tell me who that person was.

Without that information, I was left spinning in a world of chaos. Without that information, I was unable to file a police report for identity theft or recover any damages. It took the IRS 9 months to send my refund, something that most people receive in less than 2 weeks.

So, after about a decade of this situation, and going through the motions year after year, to provide alternative forms of Income verification, I think I am well within my rights to be a little agitated.

This year I planned to file for an extension since it was my understanding that several other related issues are being investigation so I could finally put an end to this madness.

Now I don't have much money, in fact I don't have any, but I find white collar crime despicable and repulsive.

When taken into account the substantial cost to society, not to mention the havoc it wreaked on my life, I respectfully think that maybe you should not assume that someone is making false claims just because you don't think it sounds "right."

Lots of things don't "sound right" however that doesn't mean they aren't true. Gotta go now, I have a date with eBay to auction my social security card to the highest bidder. Clearly, it is not worth anything to me so long as the authorities fail to do their part in ENFORCING the laws associated with Identity theft. 

Sure, it is easy to blame the victim as being irresponsible or somehow negligent in these situations, however I will refer you to some fascinating research that has been done on the emotional consequences of Identity theft. The cost is far more than just an issue of financial discomfort; it is something that can ultimately leave you questioning your own identity.

It should be noted that Identity theft is a criminal matter, so whatever costs associated with such events, the victim is not reimbursed for any of the costs associated with having their life disrupted by something that is ultimately completely beyond their control.

It happens more often than you think, and it is a complicated, intricate, and time intensive to resolve such crimes... To be continued...

edd, edm.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile 

ORIGINAL POST 2009-08-09 12:45

Please help me stay online! Donate to the Firewall Fund!

Donate to the Machine [PLEASE]


@Abhaxas, 7/17/11 4:47 PM #hacked

abhaxas (@Abhaxas)

7/17/11 4:47 PM

@ElyssaD is a better look from the inside. pastebin is limited in size



Thursday, May 17, 2012

Reality Bytes: This is to all of us...

Reality Bytes: This is to all of us...


I first started posting this blog shortly after my 35th birthday. It was a gift to myself so I could live my life without being too scared that I might be discovered for being a little bit crazy, a little bit lonely, and making a whole lot of noise.

I started by disclosing my deepest secrets, often exposing to my deepest fears. Initially I chose the motto: "Too old to start over, Too young to forget."

Eventually that moniker evolved into something a little more challenging and inspirational, "Too old to start over, Too young to give up."

Now that my 36th birthday is just around the corner (actually, more like an intersection) I plan to spend the last few days I have in this demographic bracket uncovering some the essays I have written that still need a little tweaking, and a whole lot of twacking! So be prepared to find a few typos, a few disconnected thoughts without making an obvious transition. Because I am naming the next phase of my life, you know, the "35 and up" phase, "Chapter II: A Little Bit Older, And a Whole Lot Bolder."

I have enjoyed the feedback I have gotten from so many people from all walks of life who have written in response to something I have written. Women I have never met, from places I do not know.

Women like Joy and Cat who encourage me to keep writing even if they disagree with some of my core values or excessive use of profanity. Women (or men) who have somehow managed to stumble across my writings in one of their many raw forms without realizing that just by contacting me, much of the fear and hesitation I once felt about publishing my collection of personal (and professional) essays have been replaced with a new found sense of pride and accomplishment. Fear and uncertainty have are quickly evolving into confidence and proliferation.

Personally, professionally, and spiritually, I hope to continue "kicking ass and taking names," because at this point in my life, I may actually start doing that a little bit more.

You will notice that I am reclaiming my name and uncovering the many aliases I have used over the years... I am done hiding.

I'm am not perfect, and I will always struggle with my obsession to find just The Write Words, but I'm guessing it is probably good enough. Probably good enough so that most people will won't even notice if I forget to capitalize a proper noun or if I end a sentence with a preposition. So be it.

You may also notice that I am reclaiming my name, and will be using try to cut down on the number of anonymous postings I listed under an alias because I was afraid I would be embarrassed if my work was not well received.

I am ranges from the less obvious accounts I have created to maintain a bit of distance between myself and my classmates, peers, and colleagues, but in addition to "Miss Elyss" or "Lyssie D." I am even willing to admit that I have created so many login accounts and user names to post anonymously, that I have forgotten most of the passwords to access my own content. But I am rather proud of the creativity I demonstrated when I came up with two of my personal favorites, "I.M.Phobic" and "EyePhobic." I never could get into that whole IM thing, webcam or chat rooms! The way I see it, it is bad enough i need to put on clothes and make-up to leave the house-- I'll be damned if I have to put on make-up to send an e-mail!

Yes, they were all me. They are a pert of me, because like so many women-- no... like so many people... I'm a little bit of everything... so for those of you who are listening and even to those of you who just wish I would shut the fuck up already; be careful what you wish for! The more content I create, the easier it becomes to let go... and the more I let go, the more I can heal. The more I can heal, the more I can focus on the academic issues that will always be my first and primary area of interest. However, it seems rather obvious to me now that the only way out is through. So, I will continue to write through the dark and hope that it I can become more present minded rather than being trapped by memories from the past.

To Joy, Cat, TA James, and a few others, thanks so much for the gift. I hope I can make you proud!

The curious can find anything and everything! I often wonder why it is so much easier for others to to get my information about me than it is for me to get about myself!

I'm a digger. To be clear, that is "digger." I never use the "N" word, and I'm way too proud to marry for money.

I'm a digger. I love information. I love to find, I love to collect it, but most of all, I love to use it.

I love to dissect it, analyze it, formulate new questions and ponder the answers. I love the journey of natural inquiry... never knowing where my racing mind will take me, often surprised surprised by the answer, but always, always intrigued by the things I encounter along the way.

So I set out to find the answer to one question, and instead I find myself asking a million more. It keeps me up at night, and allows me to avoid the day.

My life is not unexamined, and my thought patterns may be far from typical, but the things I have learned along the way are by far the most intriguing and most unique. I am not afraid to ask questions, nor am I afraid that I don't have all the answers.

As a digger, I do know that it is the path least taken: the creative, atypical mind; that is riddled with creativity, tangential thoughts and questions that often deliver the most interesting answers. But sometimes, it is the answers that deliver us to the most interesting questions.

We often think that questions drive the inquiry-- at least that's what they tell us in school. To use the "Scientific Method." And of course, to never, ever color outside the lines. But aren't the best discoveries the ones we weren't searching for? The unexpected gift... the non-occasion.

The beauty is in the every day. The challenge is in the unexpected. Call me crazy if you like (and many have) but I can assure you that there will come a day when all of that R.A.M. will come in handy. I am definitely asking the right questions... and maybe one day you will too.

Finding my voice has allowed me to appreciate the silence. The hours between dusk and dawn where the rest of the world sleeps and I dig. I dig and I write. I fill the lonely hours with my innermost thoughts, and my very best friend. So as the rest of the world sleeps soundly, surrounded by loved ones in a sanctuary they call home, I fill myself with books, journals and information. Lots and lots of information.

Who would have thought that loneliness can become a family in it's own right? It is always there and it is always familiar. That solitude can become our greatest companion and that strangers can become our best friends.

I miss New York. I miss Dr. Stu. I miss Jefferey and I miss Todd. I miss my wild, brilliant friends plagued by curiosity, insomnia, and creativity.

Hey boys-- guess what? I'm coming home!

Let's go to hot and crusty at 3 a.m. when everything really is, yes, "hot and crusty!" Lets go the Internet cafe across from the Hello Kitty store and wake up old friends that actually dare to sleep when it is dark out???

WAKE-UP TODD! I've been calling you for hours! I have a joke to I want to tell you!

New York, New York... The "City" that never sleeps?

See I don't think it was ever really about the city, I think it is more about the anonymity. Someplace you can be yourself, and never worry about being judged by your in-bred hillbilly neighbors who are, in all honesty, much more focused on raising hell then raising children... To them, I am "strange." I am "weird." I am "Italian." or "Jewish" or "something!" because I talk really really fast!

You are all wrong: I'm from New York!

So while you sleep, I dig. I learn , I question, and I write. But I do it alone, and I'm starting not to like so much.

So for all of you out there who are insomniacs: "writers," "consultants," "perpetually un and underemployed yet overqualified" computer geeks -- please enjoy my video blog below.

I chose a few songs have keep me company at night. Just loud enough to drown out the drunk couple outside my window having yet another domestic dispute, but low enough so that the neighbors downstairs won't complain. Hopefully, you will know some of the selections that have kept me dancing in the living room into the wee hours of the morning, and can learn something about my favorite word if you are paying attention...

You'll find all of my favorites in one place. So enjoy the trip my friends, it's getting early for some, but late for others, and I've got some shit to do before the world wakes up, because to quote John Cougar (or is it Melloncamp?) I Ain't Even Done With The Night!


DESCRIPTION: Everything from my favorite word to my favorite website. There's something in there for pretty much every mood-- songs to make you cry, videos to make you laugh. Political ads that make you sick and some that will give you chills-- but at least they make you feel!!! Finding my voice, and hearing those of strangers has given me the strength I needed to move on.

So for so many of you who have contacted me lately, via the web, via your cell phone, or even by way of a nasty website-- stand tall and stand close because much like fear, courage also rubs off on you somehow when you are surrounded by the right people. So a big shout out, and a sincere word of thanks to all of you who have helped to find my voice once again and the courage to say whatever is on my mind... Say it loud, say it proud, just say it!

I will not be ignored and I will not be forgotten. But guess what, Here Comes the Sun. I made it through night and now it's time to go, because that was SO yesterday! Thanks for giving, good luck forgetting!

Elyssa D'Educrat / Elyssa D. Durant
Nashville, Tennessee / New York, New York





------ MMS ------
From: +16154248810/TYPE=PLMN
Sent: Nov 16, 2009 08:58
Subject: Fw: BlackBerry Forums - Search Forums

------ Send Address ------
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T-Mobile BlackBerry 8900 #FAIL x 5
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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Homeland InSecurITy

Uploaded by on Jan 22, 2012
Sometimes it's a bitch, sometimes it's a breeze...

Today was a bitch.

Clearly, the card I'm holding is enough to warrant round the clock surveillance and a parade of armored vehicles, khaki taxis, and a yellow school bus!

You boys are giving me way too much power. SO when you see me looking out the window, I hope you realize I'm not paran@id, I'm grandiose.

Thanks for the parade and reinforcing what I already knew...

I will not be ignored, and I will be forgotten.

Illuminati InSighter

Just me,


DailyDDoSe™ © 2007-2012

The Powers That Beat © 2007-2012



As You Move On, Remember Me... Elyssa Durant © 2007-2012 [DEEPLNKS]


ORIGINAL POST:  "Another Daily Dose of TMI"

Finally took a blue pill. Was able to relax and think for a while about my "daily dose" of TMI and #neverendingshit.

Unfortunately now I have done too much thinking and I'm back to square one..

I read the contracts, I see the numbers, but then I get to the same issue. What the fuck is wrong with this world? Can I be any more specific, redundant or annoying that I just want to fucking explode!

How very very sad for all of the people who may just happen to experience a few months, or a few years of what I go through every fucking day of my life.


 My parents should be ashamed.

My community should be ashamed. #WEareNASHVILLE should be crawling on their knees begging for forgiveness for the way they exploited the flood, the federal government and exhausted all possible avenues to attract sympathy, money, and attention.  I could puke right now.

Every person that makes presumptuous jokes about "just ask daddy" or "rich boyfriends?"  




NO! OBVIOUSLY the answer is no. And you know, I'm not even above taking such "gifts" from all the assholes who want to promote THEIR agendas, and all the bullshit that goes with it.

I don't like the world very much today. I don't like the people I see if around me, and I ain't talkin' bought the Mexicans in the yard.

Obviously, the people I speak of haven't "seen" me in over a year. Well, that might have to change. 

I have no expectations, but one might be smart to lift a finger, push a paper, or lend a hand to help me the fuck out of here before I start asking these questions "on the public timeline" instead of in my daily journal and the 35,000 emails that remain in my inbox.

I'll be cool in a few. What my mother has done (again) may just destroy the only thing she ever cared about: herself.

She is embarrassed, humiliated and financially devastated to have to the terrible misfortune and burden of having a daughters like my sister and myself. I once asked her how it made her feel to have two grown daughter that are so dysfunctional and "mean" that we rarely make the time to return her calls or the decency to put on make up when we leave the house.

Elyssa Durant

Her answer, "it makes absolutely SICK to my stomach each time I think about the way you live your lives. Doing nothing. You can't even get a decent job at the local Walmart."

As You Move On, Remember Me... Elyssa Durant © 2009

In response, I asked if she ever considered the possibility that she may have contributed to the two of us being plagued with unrealistic expectations for perfection and grace.

She doesn't see it that way. She sees it as her cross to bear. HER personal trauma being forced to have "two grown daughters who never accomplished a single thing in their entire lives."

I can't say for certain if my sister would agree, and my sister has the added burden of working under the watchful eye of my father each day, but as for myself? I am quite certain I accomplished at least one thing extraordinary... I managed to grow up a mother and father who have both confessed that they believe the world would be better off without me in it; and yet somehow managed to escape with a shred of dignity,
integrity and purpose.

Certainly not character traits they recognize or appreciate, but in their world, that can only mean one thing. I must be doing something right.

I am ready to be heard...

I am "home" as usual here in Tennessee.

Good morning to all and thank you for listening.

This is just me. Always and only "just" me,



She's Back!

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Virgin Mobile <virginmobile-service@my.vmu-mail.com>

Date: Sat, 29 May 2010 12:27:53 -0700

Subject: Your Virgin Mobile Monthly Charge Is Coming Up

To: elyssa.durant

Hey E,

This is a friendly reminder that your monthly charge will be deducted from your account in three days.

If you've already registered a credit/debit card or PayPal account with Virgin Mobile, then you should be all set. If you have enough money in your cash balance to cover the cost, we'll deduct it from there. If not, we'll charge it to your registered payment method.

If you haven't registered a payment method yet, you can do it here.

That way, you won't have to worry about adding money to your account each month to cover the charge. It's the worry-free way to pay for your service.

Or, if you'd rather pay with Top-Up cards and need to find a store, click here. If you have any questions, please visit virginmobileusa.com.

Thanks, bye.

Virgin Mobile

This message is about your Virgin Mobile phone number: (615) 752-8908.

My Phone

This email was sent to you by Virgin Mobile to provide important service information about your account. You may receive customer service emails even if you have requested that Virgin Mobile not contact you about promotional offers.

Your privacy is important to us. Therefore, we treat any information you give us with respect and in compliance with federal law and our own Privacy Policy.

Please do not reply to this message. If you have questions or comments, send an email to ourteam@virginmobileusa.com.

Or contact us at: Virgin Mobile USA, L.P., 10 Independence Blvd.,Warren, NJ 07059


Sent from my mobile device

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee

"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."


Plan: Pay By The Day

Status Today: Not Paid

Current Plan Cost: $1.00

Balance: $0.04

Balance exp date: 08/12/2010

Hope $0.04 is enough to get this message through. 

Aspie Synne At Large by @ELyssaD™ © 2012