Friday, July 31, 2009

The Greatest Gift, The Deepest Grief

It has been almost 4 months since I first posted "Please Save Spotty" and not a single person within the state of Tennessee has responded. The entire city of Nashville has completely neglected ignored this desperate pleas. Some even made jokes, or thought it was somehow appropriate to ask me for favors: campaign contributions and support, or to ask me to donate money to their campaigns. I am not a stranger to this down. I became a resident on August 8, 1996. I volunteered at the Safehaven shelter oncw a week for three year. I have spent my time supported causes and candidates tomake Nashville a better communnity for all of us. Well guess whart? I failed. Because Nashville could not be any more indifferent, apathetic or just plain cruel from where I stand.
So guess what? You are indeed stuck with me and the unbelievable debt, and none of the benefit. I won't be volunteering on your campaigns, and don't think for one second I have forgotten each and every person who pretended I was invisible. I may be invisible but I am not blind, and I see through each and every person who offered their support publicly, and turned their back in the middle of a real crisis. And yes, I do know the difference. So here you have it... without apology. Fuck you right back.
Here we go again... I wish people would care as much about their children as I do about my Spotty. So I guess this is goodbye again. I'm not stupid, and I know that I can't blame my mom for this one since I'll be the one to drive her to the shelter tomorrow.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I really hate this world.

No one gives a shit about the kids who are already here living in poverty, foster homes, on the streets, or anyway the can to survive. So who gives a shit about a few people who at least have the luxury of a quick painless death rather than having it drained out of them day by day; tear by tear, year after year after year after year?

I don't want to get rid of Spotty. I don't want her euthanized when I feel her little head nuzzled against my neck. She is not sick, she is not, and her only crime is belonging to me. What the fuck with this world. We can through puppies into plastic bags and freeze them to death because it is "easier" than "putting them to sleep."

So yeah, there you have it. I fucked up again. How ironic that the one thing I don't have is the only thing people seem to want from me. I can't wait to hear about this one. I am 36 years old. I am not a child I am not a criminal I am not cruel.

Why must they take the one thing I love-- the one thing that loves me? Does it make it all better for everybody else? Dad, I learned my lesson. I have accepted the hand I have been dealt.

If I say I'm sorry, would that make it okay for me to keep Spotty? Will someone please tell me what I need to say because I'm not sure what I did?

I'm old enough to know that nobody's coming to save me. I don't even bother to ask but why must an innocent animal who did not ask for this be the ultimat6e punishment for a sin I don't remember committing.

So where does Spotty go? To the farm with Abby & Ollie during divorce number two and custody battle number 4? Will my father mail me some fake ashes out of the fire place? Will my mommy drive her out to Suffolk County so she can use an assumed name like "Harrison" so I can't locate her? At least I found Pepe. I can only hope that one day I'll find Spotty.

Special message to two "special" people:

Mom: I hope some takes Ziggy from you. The same way you took Pepe to that shelter in Suffolk County during the darkest moment of my life. I remember what you said, and what you were told by 3 separate mental health professionals. In fact, they remember too, because they found your actions to be so far beyond the scope of rational behavior, they documented the entire thing. In fact, once Pepe was located, they kept a copy of the "adoption papers" in my medical records both as a precaution and as relevant family history.

Dad: Well, whatever. I can't think of anything care enough about to lose-- so enjoy. You win. I surrender. Whatever. I guess you'll tell what I'm supposed to do because that worked so well with my last Landlord.

Why can't live a life without empathy. I guess if you don't love anything but yourself, you will never know grief.

Well now I'm really fucked, because I'm not all fond of myself these days. Don't worry, you don't need to call parents, they already know, and they couldn't care less. In fact they'll probably bill you for wasting their time. Besides, unless you went Harvard, Yale or Princeton they give a shit what you think. So join the club.

Goodnight for now. I'm going for a drive to see if I can find a shelter for poor little Spotty.

Just remember this: Spotty didn't choose me. I chose her. So here we go again... apparently there is not a single person I know who is willing to save Spotty.

Actually, that sounds about right. I know exactly how she feels.

PET ID: SPOTTY
http://www.idtag.com/lost-pet-details/id-20083


http://darknightdurant.blogspot.com/2009/04/please-save-spotty.html



I just learned on the 1st of this month that I have to move out of my apartment by next Wednesday. I hate moving.

What I hate more is that I am allowed my kitty cat named, "Spot" cannot come with me. Please help me find a good home for Spotty.

Spotty has been primarily an indoor cat for the last 5 1/2 years that she has been with me. I am quite sure she would adjust well in any probably enjoy playing in the outdoors. She likes to sit on the porch in the sun and take in the fresh air.

She is almost 6 years old, spayed, and really needs a good home where she can play and have fun! She is very active, but also very affectionate. She had all her shots but may need a booster sometime soon, but she has no pet insurance :-(

Spotty is a very kool kat. She is also very pc... neither black nor white, she is simply Spot.

When you are working too long or too late, she will let you know you need a break by curling up on the power cord right next to your pc. She loves chasing mice when she really wants attention or wants to play.

Please help me find a good home for Spotty. She deserves at least that much and I simply do not have what she needs.

Please Save Spotty! Spotty saved me.


Monday, July 27, 2009

The Whole Story: Where I Stand Now

Part I: Insurance Department: File Number #95-192-1535


I would like to review the merits of an Insurance Investigation that ultimately ruled in my favor that concluded on April 16, 1996. File No. 95192-07586

Unfortunately, this is a very complicated case that involves tax and insurance fraud, because I recently learned that for the last 14 years, my parents have been using my social security number to claim as (1) an employee -- thus covered under an ERISA beneficiary plan that I have never been able to access and (2) was claimed as a dependent on my mother's NY State tax return for many years making impossible for me to file taxes or obtain insurance, disability benefits, or student financial aid since neither parent is willing to release a copy of their return.

I filed a complaint with the Pennsylvania Insurance Department in 1995, and received response six moths after the policy had expired. Despite the considerable evidence I provided to the Insurance Dept. and Pennsylvania Blue Shield, I was told that despite the overwhelming evidence that I provided, Blue Shield / Insurance Dept.] did not have the authority to override the terms of the contract. I did not collect any damages of mandatory federal fines, because I could not do that without legal assistance.

Since ERISA mandates that all beneficiaries (including insured dependents) be given a copy of the policy (among other forms of insurance identification, e.g., EOBs, Insurance ID C, and a copy of the policy, my requests for ERISA mandated materials were repeatedly denied until Jason Manne made a Title IV-D request from the Pennsylvania Dept. of Public Welfare. After sending a letter to Pensylvania Blue Shield, my insurance carrier to inform them that they in accordance with federal law, they must honor my request for a copy of the insurance policy.

The insurance Department came to the same conclusion: that my rights under federal law had been violated, but because this situation was unprecedented in the state of Pennsylvania, it took approximately 9 months before BCBS decided to send me the necessary documentation. In addition, my plan had expired, and BCBS refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation (which would have been extended from 18 months to 36 since I was disabled at the time of the qualifying event plan supporting my initial request for federally mandated information in accordance with ERISA 4236.

Blue Shield refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation and / or a reassignment of benefits so those providers could be reimbursed directly. According to their attorney, Tija Hilton-Phillips, they had no obligation to provide me with any information about COBRA continuation and shifted the burden of responsibility onto the plan administrator and/or fiduciary. In addition to having the terms of my policy falsified in writing, I was unable to identify the plan administrator of fiduciary. Since federal law requires that all plans be filed with the Dept. of Labor, I contacted them on multiple occasions and wrote several letters requesting a copy of claims made under the policy, the plan fiduciary, administrator, and the specific type of ERISA plan (e.g., self-insured) that was on filed in accordance with federal law. Again, my verbal requests were denied. I then sent a written request to the regional office in Philadelphia but again, received no response.

Washington requests in Washington in accordance with federal law. , e.g., self-insured, their assistance in (with information Furthermore, the Dept. of Labor requesting this information were never answered. I never found out the name of the plan administrator or the fiduciary, and was never offered COBRA continuation, and then BCBS refused to let me continue under COBRA, claiming they were not obligated to offer it to... so who is ultimately held accountable in these situations.


When I first filed this complaint against BCBS, each agency denied responsibility despite the overwhelming evidence that I had provided. Although I was only 22 at the time, I spent my days and nights reading up on insurance, labor and employment law, and subsequently came to believe that aside from violating my natural rights, I had been denied due process protections and requested legal assistance from advocacy organizations in New York, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. I was unable to find any one who would take my claims seriously, and could not find anyone to take my case pro-bono or on contingency. Eventually, I moved to Nashville, TN and tried to recover from the physical injuries and the new emotional scars that left me cynical and bitter about a judicial system that consistently fails to enforce natural and human rights.


Everyone I spoken to thus far reiterates the same statement-- practically verbatim, "I sympathize with your dilemma, yet, as you know, our office does not have the jurisdiction to assist you in this matter." I sought the assistance of an attorney at Shnaeder Harrison years ago (regarding Pennsylvania Act 62) and Jason Manne in the Dept. of Public Welfare.

Although I may be biased, I believe this case has substantial social merit and long standing implications for children in the state of Pennsylvania. I am a reputable witness, and have 5 years of doctoral studies under my belt in the field of social policy.

I have been unsuccessful in my search for a competent litigator (unfortunately, this is an unprecedented case that touches on all the hot issues before the 3rd circuit including ERISA and the State's interest in Equal Educational Opportunity and due process protections for children (and adults) who are "victimized twice... first by their parents, and then, again by a judicial system who fails to protect them" (it's been a while, but I believe that is a paraphrase of the dissenting opinion from Justice Montemuro in Curtis v. Klein.)

In many ways, I feel it is too late for me to recover what I lost due to a snag in the law and a few loopholes in the system. I have collected evidence for over 14 years because I used to believe that justice might prevail.

If she has an interest in looking bold into the face of police corruption, I would like to share my story (and the documents) to be sure no other child in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania falls victim to such heinous crimes due to legal technicalities from an outdated piece of legislation. It has been 14 years since my case was “abandoned” by the state judicial system in the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas. It is time to have these loop holes closed for good and ensure equal protection under the law for all children—not just those who are lucky enough to have a fair hearing or be heard before they reach the age of majority.

With the support and inspiration, I received from some very kind and brilliant professors in sociology and social policy, plan to submit a book proposal to document the sequence of events that still astound me and curious onlookers who take a quick peek as they casually pass in and out of my life. You see, it is much like a traffic accident-- people like to take comfort in seeing the tragedy of a broken man and his family demonstrating the social injustices and inequity resulting from a stratified society where only "violent" criminals or those who commit acts that violate or impede the natural rights of others are not taken seriously by the judicial system or the public at large. Unaware of the consequences that arise from dual standards in the worst of academic snobbery and intellectual elitism -- living a lifestyle they might otherwise envy.

I would appreciate assistance in restoring my social security number and account so that I do not have live in constant fear. If that means either relocating to another country and/or having my name and social security number changed or restored, it is probably well worth the inconvenience if it means there is still hope for living a peaceful existence.

Part II: Duplication of Benefits: Medicaid to the Rescue
The Application and Appeal for Disability Benefits

I remember how difficult it was for me to obtain benefits when I first applied several years ago. I am deeply concerned about how the most recent decision to eradicate yet another class of TennCare / Medicaid recipients (the Daniels class made up of SSI recipients by way of a pending federal waiver) will affect the poor and disabled residents in Tennessee. Without my current level of benefits, I simply do not function.


Before my benefits were stabilized, learning to navigate the system consumed every waking moment of my life. I was unable to work or attend school on any substantial level and I am frightened to see at might happen if I were to stray from my established, stabilized, treatment plan. If I lose my benefits, will I still be able to work? To function? To be productive?


Any new public program requires careful planning if it is to be effective. Recent discussions have not focused on the true impact these changes will have on the "street-level."


Has anyone asked recipients how they feel the new program (safety- net) should be designed, implemented, or evaluated? How will this impact the community and other social service or welfare agencies??? I want access, quality, and outcomes. I want... I want... I want!!!


The massive number of people being dis-enrolled or limited in their access to medical care and other social services will no doubt create significant anxiety, confusion, and chaos for everyone involved in the social service and health care industries.


I remember when Mr. Brian Lapps was somewhere very high up on the corporate TennCare ladder in 1999 when they adjusted the prescription formulary over Memorial Day in 1999. I see Mr. Lapps quite frequently since he now works at the local gas station down the street from where I live.


To this day, he insists that cell phones and TennCare are somehow contraindicated. Perhaps he knows nothing of the population he claims to know just all-too-well... housing conditions that may or may not have electricity, broken families-some riddled with community violence and domestic disturbances. In the hood, your cell phone is your very best friend. 9-1-1.


These people plagued by domestic violence and community instability makes a cell phone the only logical option. How can you find a job with out a phone? How can you find a home with out a job? Yet even 6 years later, Mr. Lapps uses cellular phones as an example how the TennCare program is being abused by lazy, cheap, and unscrupulous second hand citizens who are just shiftless lazy bums waiting around for their next free hand-out.


Anyone who has EVER applied for or relied upon any kind of government subsidy to have their basic needs met, e.g., food, shelter, medical care, dental treatment, etc... let me personally assure you that there has never been a single time where I felt I was "pulling one over" on the government. I am not just one of the poor saps who believed what they told me they in school, I bought it hook, line, and sinker for the mere price of $152,718.130 and not a shred of financial security to show for it.


Even after consolidating my student loans, the interest alone is $10 less than my monthly income from social security.


Tennessee is in the process of applying for yet ANOTHER federal waiver to eliminate the "Daniels" class of Medicaid recipients-- the poorest and sickest of all. SSI Recipients. Can you live on $623.00 / month? Can anyone?


So what happens now that the state of Tennessee will begin to cut off social security recipients from TennCare? I honestly do not think I can survive yet another re-certification process-- God knows the first one almost killed me. After three years of appeals, my condition had deteriorated so severely that I was forced to drop out of school, lost my home, lost my sanity, and lost hope. In short-- I lost my dignity and my belief in the social welfare system.


By the time my benefits were approved, I had already checked myself in to NYU Psych Ward because simply could not cope with the reality of what my life I had become. I weighed 94 pounds and suffered in excruciating pain that has only gotten worse with time. My extremities were ice cold, and my hands were numb since I went without medical treatment for the spinal injury that was first discovered when I was 22.


I am now 36 years old. My spinal cord is now damaged from years of delayed, sub-standard medical treatment. I owe the federal government $179,982.00 in student loans and when I am able to work, I make $10.46 / hour as a substitute teacher in an urban school district. That job comes with no security and no benefits. It does however offer the flexibility I need to receive the bi-monthly epidural injections and other procedures necessary to manage my pain and alleviate the numbness I feel because of the damage to my nerves. And even though I cannot afford the gas money to get my appointments, pay for all of my medication, or even to get back and forth to work, it does allow me a few weeks of mobility so I can drive, use my mouse or hold a pen.


I have an advanced master's degree from an Ivy League Institution. I am 12 credits shy of a PhD in public policy. And despite maintaining a 3.83 grade point average while completing an advanced masters in social and educational policy at an, "Ivy League" institution; a 3.2 GPA during the 3 years I spent working on my doctorate at a not-quite-so-prestigious Graduate School; The Powers That Beat in that damn Ivory Tower don't will not grant me any leniency by extending the amount or time permitted to complete my degree-- a rule that was changed while I was on a formal leave of absence tending to my health (and my Medicaid appeals!). Not only did they decide 8 years was the rule instead of the 10 it had been previously, I was also told that I could not even transfer the credits I had earned toward a different degree towards another program at the same institution. It has been just over ten years since I first enrolled. What a mistake that was!


The "Harvard of the South" no longer officers the degree to which I was admitted-- and enrolled so they actually suggested that I pay for a 3rd application to the school (I was admitted into two degrees-- the MPP as well as the PhD program in a separate college) requiring two independent applications, fees, transcripts, test scores, even way back when I was still considered a promising candidate. Now "they" think it is reasonable to ask that I do it all over again??? It goes without saying that I do not have the financial resources available to finish my last semester, take the GREs or GMATs one more time, or even the money to release my transcripts from the Graduate School into any other program at the same University, I guess I am just shit out of luck.


To be clear, WE ARE ALL PAYING for that student debt because I can assure you that their endowment is far greater than any income or earning potential I have given my current financial status and student loan debt! To be clear, YOU ARE ALL PAYING to keep me on Welfare. Yes, all of us are paying some price..... We I want to work. I want to be productive. I want to be a part of something greater than myself. I want to share what I've learned.


So throughout the years I struggled to stay in school, believing somehow that social justice would prevail, and my heart and dedication towards the greater good would show through to whomever, wherever, or whatever that could make my degree worth while-- the Medicaid and disability applications managed to take front seat. So as I filed appeal after appeal after appeal, I managed to acquire well over 1/4 million (yes-- MILLION) dollars in debt due to uninsured medical expenses and student loans. Despite having 3 Major Medical insurance policies, I still went bankrupt applying for Medicaid. Morally Bankrupt.


My life will never be the same. My heart will never be the same. I want to pay my bills on time. I want to get off welfare, but no one ever taught me how to be poor.


So after all this-- now I face losing my healthcare once again? Where is the safety net? Where is the American Dream that I so diligently chased after for so many years? What was the point spending so much on an education that will never be utilized? I understand the how; I just don't understand why.


Maybe one of these days Vanderbilt University or and the Department of Education will realize it might just be cheaper to hire me that harass me, because unless I find a real paying job soon, their collections department will no longer be able to reach me on that extravagant lifeline my friend, Brian Lapps, refers to as a luxury.


If anyone on your staff would like to "trade places" with me for one month-I will gladly assume his/her responsibilities for that position if you can find a writer who is willing to endure and write about the reality of social services in our fine state. I do not want a paycheck from your organization; I just want the opportunity to put the myth of freeloading welfare mother s to rest. Live in my shoes for 30 days. Can you find the out? Can you balance my budget and make it work? Can you get the bill collectors of my back? Can you afford Internet service to file state job applications and apply for services online? Can you maintain pride and dignity without feeling the least bit sorry for yourself and the choices you have made?


When I go to the pharmacy, I am humiliated that I do not have the $3.00 necessary for the co-pay on my covered TennCare prescriptions. At least when it was $40 dollars, I was not so damn embarrassed by my lack of funds.


Remind me again why I went to school. Remind me once more why I bother to speak out. Then remind me right now that that there is somebody listening. I cannot be the only one who actually gives a crap. My contact information is listed below.



Part III: The Final Appeal: While Frozen in Time My Life Comes to Halt
An Appalling Appeal: Filed September 11, 2008 [confirmed receipt, as of July 25- it has not been reviewed]


Today I was finally able to submit handed in the appeal I waited over three years to submit. And it is just an APPEAL!

Not even a decision. Not a win, but also not a loss.

The APPEAL has given me the strength to keep going. In part because it shows that I haven't lost and in part because it means that somebody actually listening.

So listen carefully, my friends. It was not too long ago that I had almost everything a young person needs to succeed in this world.

Or maybe not.


As for my most current insurance dispute... I feel that I have done everything humanly possible to be sympathetic towards health care provider who is NOT providing care. I cannot sacrifice my own well being for every bright eyed bushy tailed wanna be who is too stupid to see that I am far from.

I had such a battle this week. It culminated in the end like every other battle I have taken on. I only won because ultimately but we are all losing.

For every underqualifed, health care provider who has NOT provided the adequate, there are many more like me. Alienated just enough to give up on fashion, etiquette and social norms, but not enough to walk from it all.

We are keeping watch. We are taking names, and I for one do not give a rat's ass about "keeping the peace."

Having been on both sides if the proverbial couch, I have the perspective is both enlightening and scary at the same time. I look back and want to say shout "told you so" from the nearest roof top.

Crazy is crazy does... out loud. I may be enjoying this just a little too much.

Sometimes I try to look at this fight, (I meant to say this life) objectively.

I can see my own future, and I can see where it is taking me. I know how it will end it I don't keep up the pace.

It is amazing at how far we will go to have nothing at all.

I have come this far, and on some level I almost enjoy the dance. No. On some level, I actually love the dance.

No. I won't give up now. Because without this turmoil, this means to an end, this demonstration project of futility and determination, and without it, I am nothing at all. I can't lose what I never had. I won’t be another sell-out-- mostly because I don't know how.

I am then the voice of perseverance. I am one voice of perseverance. I am one of 47 million Americans. And today I am I am still fighting the good fight.

This battle; this challenge; this half won war this fight has come to define me. And without that, I am not really much of anything at all...

As someone once told me, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. I've already fallen, but I sure as shit stand for something.

"... so for now, I write. Maybe later listen. And if there is any justice left in this world, maybe someday, I'll actually live. "

Good night, folks. It is time for that break.

Elyssa Durant
Nashville, Tennessee




Part IV: The Final Outcome
Where I Stand Today? I Have No Fucking Idea



Social Security Informed Me My Coverage Will End Today, July 1, 2009.
This letter was written, at 4:33 EST. Over and Out.

Please summon the angels. I need some good news.

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee, USA


Latest Update: July 27, 2009
Social Security has extended the deadline, unfortunately local agencies: DHS and MDHA refuse to do the same. Thanks so much Nashville. So glad to be home.

Community Apathy in Nashville, Tennessee

April 13, 2009

Can you please tell me who I could speak with (preferably informally) about a situation with Section 8 and MDHA.

I have already spoken with Pat Clark, director of MDHA, and she has been an unsympathetic to the fact that there has been an ongoing problem with drugs and violence with children in the same complex.


Legal Aid / or pro-bono refused to will represent me since my parents are attorneys. They told me I would have to get the money for court fees and a court reporter from them. That just ain't gonna happen.


I am 36 years old.

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful in any way-- you have been extremely kind and gracious towards me, I am just exhausted by this process and I think it is pretty easy to see that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If there is someone in particular who works closely with the housing authority and utilities, kindly ask them if you can release their name to me(or vice versa) so I can make sure it on the record before I loose my section 8. The landlord is paid in full, but I still have to move by the 22nd.
.

Thanks so much. If there is anyone you can think please let me know. There is stigma and judgment that comes long with a person who lives in public housing, but can assure you it would not be my first choice.

Thank your discretion and assistance.

Sincerely yours,

Elyssa Durant
ed70@columbia.edu
6154248810

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

*******
UPDATE: This has yet to bet settled. I received no response to my last inquiry received no response. I have lost my apartment and my section 8 coverage will end on the first of the month yet I cannot find an apartment due to the negative reference from the last landlord.
*******

After spending 4 days in court, judges insisted that I hire (and pay for) a court reporter since they would not accept an affidavit from my an attorney in Pennsylvania.

The landlord did a "garnishment execution" without my knowledge for several hundreds of dollars which included attorneys fees, however the attorney refused to speak with me directly throughout the entire process, and told me if I wanted any information about my account, I would have too have an attorney contact him.

I have received no response from anyone in Metro despite multiple communications with virtually every office ranging from the Metro City Council, the Mayors Office of Neighborhoods, Metro Social Services, my Congressman, my state representative. I am truly disgusted by the apathy and lack of human decency and courtesy that I have received from a city I have thought of as home for the last fourteen years. In fact, the only time I received any calls or emails from people I once respected and supported, were in reference to campaign contributions asking me to support them at upcoming events and elections.

That makes me sick. I have volunteered my time and money even when I didn't have it. I have decided to leave this place, however I don't even have enough money to do that. I do not have an address so I cannot even update my drivers license or voter registration.

I spend my nights sitting outside CyberSquatting since the temporary housing facility I have been staying at removed the modem to prevent me from filing complaints. The other residents have destroyed my property, disposed of my food and became violent with me. One came within inches of hitting me with a waffle iron simply because I asked where I could place my food since it keeps getting thrown out or moved. I have been told by instructed not to call mobile crisis since they do not want to neighbors to know that this place is really just a nut house in disguise.

My personal items including paperwork that is necessary to appeal my Social Security disability scheduled to be terminated on the 1st as well as other benefits I receive such as food stamps to help me scrape by on $606.00 per month.

I had to pay substantial fees to obtain certified documents from Court in order to verify that the account had in fact been settled, yet I still cannot find a single person to assist me in resolving this horrific situation yet even homeless prevention services is unable to assist me.

Welcome to my city: Nashville, Tennessee. You #fail

Updated July 27, 2009 8:45am

Elyssa Durant
Anytown, USA

Sunday, July 26, 2009

WHO letter to BHO re: Bredesen

 

 YES! Another Letter to Congress! 



 


 



Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.

Nashville, Tennessee

Cell: (615) 424-8810


 

 


 

 

February 12, 2009

 

Dear President Obama & Members of Congress:

  

There are widespread reports that Phil Bredesen of Tennessee is being considered for a position with the Department of Health and Human Services in Washington, DC.

As someone who has lived and voted in the state of Tennessee since 1996, I have witnessed several shifts in policy, both on the local and federal levels. I am a recipient of TennCare, Social Security, and I a member of the Daniels Class. Governor Phil Bredesen has no place in Washington.  Please remove his name from consideration for a cabinet position with HHS.


 


 

Governor Bredesen is currently "holding off in spending" until he learns what federal aid will become available to the residents of Tennessee. I am urging you to take immediate action. PLEASE sign the economic recovery package before it is too late.


 

Even under of the best of economic circumstances, the state has often been reluctant to release state monies until they are in physical receipt of all federal matching dollars. This delays program implementation and compromises the integrity of the research design.  Consistency is a critical component of effective program development and design.

 

Governor Bredesen had decided to hold back state funds until the final details of the stimulus package worked out, were finalized.  Anyone who has followed the healthcare crisis in Tennessee will tell you, Bredesen is not the champion of healthcare we once hoped he would be.


 

If we hold off on making decisions about the state budgets until the details of this enormous, comprehensive package are finalized, our current programs will suffer as a result.
 
We cannot wait for a determination regarding federal funding before we to determine our state budget while before we of the programs we already are suffering financially.

 

Let me assure you that when it comes to withholding critical items like food, housing, social services, it adds up exponentially. Withholding medical care simply because of procedure and bureaucratic red tape, is shameful and cruel.  The money is there, but it seems there should be a certain level of oversight and accountability if we expect it to be used effectively without delay and without excessive administrative delay and costs.   

 

How do I know this?  Because I used to work for the state during the time when they not only made the as they were transitioning to during the transition from I used to work for TennCare,
 
We need to have some level of accountability to ensure the timely and proper disbursement of funds.  In my experience, there is little recourse for person’s individuals who are caught up in the complicated payment arrangements, complicated language, and the systematic, procedural delay when it comes to the processing and payment of claims. 


 

Let me personally assure you, that there is a very real human cost here as well... and unless there is immediate intervention, much more than just money will be lost. 

 

Please sign the bill before any more jobs, homes, and future are ruined by because help did not fast enough. Please release the funds, because we are running out of time.

 

I am 36, and my spinal cord is damaged from years of delayed, sub-standard medical treatment as I attempted to navigate a system that simply does not work.  I owe the federal government $179,982.00 in student loans. When I am able to work, I make $10.46/hour as a substitute teacher in MNPS. That job comes with no security and no benefits.

 

I have an advanced master’s degree from an Ivy League Institution. I am nine credits shy of a PhD.D. in public policy. Despite having maintained a 3.83 grade point average while earning my masters, and just over 3.2 during the three years I was enrolled full time in a doctoral program.

 

Despite having comparable coverage, the insurance company refused to give me COBRA and would not cover my pre-existing condition even through both Columbia and Vanderbilt Universities used the same underwriter for student medical insurance: Chickering US HealthScare.

 

I had no break in coverage, and even purchased a private HMO (Oxford) plan that cost several hundred dollars each month just so I could prevent becoming uninsurable before my 23rd birthday.

 

Wrong. Not only did I continue to pay for all three policies, I also had to pay for treatment and STILL wound up on TennCare and Medicaid.

 

Despite doing all the "right" things, I was still unable to transfer benefits from one graduate school to the next.

When I was twenty-two years old I developed a medical condition, and it quickly became obvious to me that it would be a lifelong struggle to cope and adapt to having physical disability.  I purchased three independent policies, however due to a terminal liability in am ERISA plan, with $1 million dollar major medical policy.  As someone who also needed to turn to federal funds and intervention in a crisis, I know that if or when help does arrive, it usually too late.

 

 

I understand the how; I just don't understand why.

 

Maybe one of these days Vanderbilt University and the Department of Education will realize it might just be cheaper to hire me that harass me.  I need a real paying job now, but with the skyrocketing unemployment rate, it looks as though I will have a lot of competition. 

 

Throughout the three year process of filing medical appeal after the next, I acquired over 1/4 million dollars in debt in unreimbursed medical care and student loans.  I was fortunate enough be able t keep my TennCare that  time—only because the state mandated a 30 hour work week, because at 32 hours, your benefits kick in. 

 

Even while in the states employ, I witnessed a pattern of behavior that was reckless and harmful to the citizens of Tennessee.  In fact, there were so many changes during short time I was there the time I was there that even my colleagues in the office of consumer affairs did not know about them until we were a formal complaint had been filed by a consumer in crisis. 


 

There was so much chaos in the system because consumers and were not given sufficient information and the state was completely unprepared to respond to the large number of people who their benefits terminated, limited, or transferred.  It took several months to update the medical database used to verify insurance coverage, and many more to get that information in sync with pharmacies and providers.  Recipients were left in the dark, probably because it was easier that way. 

 


 


 

Although I doubt many people people outside of Tennessee are aware of the harsh policies enacted during the Bredesen administration.  His endless assault on the state’s Medicaid & Medicare programs resulted in 271,000 people to be dropped off the roles.  People who are uninsurable or cannot afford health insurance.  He has requested multiple federal waiver to limit federal law rights under the Medicaid Act, and Social Security beneficiaries. Is not the kind of man we want to lead HHS into a  new era of reform.  He has demonstrated a wanton disregard for the welfare of his own constituents should not be rewarded with a cabinet position in the new administration.  He has failed this state, and now it costing money. Where it will come from, I don't know.  Perhaps he will turn to the feds.

 


 

Now, again, I face losing my healthcare coverage once again. Please do something, and do it quick.  I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy,

 

Unemployment rates in the state of Tennessee are at an all-time high, yet welfare roles have remained stable.  This tells us that despite the financial crisis and sad state of the Tennessee economy, people are not able to access emergency aid that we would expect people to receive in times of economic hardship. 

 


Where is the safety net? Where is the American Dream that I so diligently chased after for so many years? What was the point of investing so much in a future that I can never enjoy? How can anyone justify spending so money much on an education that will never be used?

 

What will happen when the state begins the 140,000 members of the Daniels Class?  DHS has not been able to process the applications already on file.  As the unemployment rate continues to go up, we need to be sure that applications for emergency assistance are processed within a reasonable period. 

 

I have no idea how they intend to handle the growing number of unemployed, uninsured, people in need of emergency assistance given that they are already overwhelmed by the number of applications already on file.  Is it a really a good time to start the recertification of the 140,000 members of the Daniels Class.?

 

Let us hope the state is not granted another federal waiver or we are all in trouble.

 


Sincerely yours,



Elyssa Durant
Nashville, TN



 


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Harry & Louise: Adding Insult to Injury




My first spring back in New York, we used to joke about J-School: Were they trying to tweak our skills turning us into experts in public journalism or public relations.

I took my first graduate level class in public journalism on the 4th floor at the infamous J-School located inside the cool steel gates separating surrounding Morningside Heights. 116th street from the homeless and the winos’ asking everyone all the passer by's for money just before we walked through the iron gates leading to the Ivory Tower.

The blocks surrounding 116th-120th where only the young and the talented get ready to take their place in society.

We would pass the men living on the streets each day, enter through the solid stone doors that were 12 ft tall, and write about them. With such eloquence you would hardly know they were homeless at all. We exploited them.

Just like Tuskegee exploited the Blacks, and the Army exploits the young and the rudderless, we exploited the sick irony of paying more per credit than they earned in one year on Veterans benefits or disability. We disgust me.

But Karma is a bitch, because less than 2 years later there I was, sleeping in the law school stacks; showering in the indoor pool... gym because I “looked good enough to pass through the gates.” I had that Ivy League pedigree. The would-have-been Harvard Law student—maybe even have had it paid in full had I been a boy or born to a different mother.

What the fuck did they know? That cute little Jewish Girl from Long Island, the one from a "good" family... the Harvard Legacy with the beautiful mother always dripping in jewels and fur from her latest boyfriend or husband—that little girl was me.

I should have been the perfect example of how a power player in the making the benefits from good breeding. No one ever needed to know that beneath it all I worked my ass off to get into College and ultimately get a scholarship into the top ranked program in Sociology and Social Policy to effect change. The fact that I dropped out of high school at 16 could remain my dirty little secret.


And to this day, no one has ever come forward to expose that little truth. Probably because so few people know—Maybe three or four So would I reveal such an embarrassing little detail of my life and risk my reputation on something I should have left behind me over twenty years ago?

Because it matters.

No one needed to know. I can get by well enough on my looks, I speak quite eloquently, and usually appear normal to most, but it is an important little factoid because people constantly judge ME based upon who they think I am – either the girl with the wealthy parents, or a lazy too stupid too get off welfare.


It matters because what appears to be and what is are often two very different things. I am in fact, an Ivy League Alumnus. I did in fact get a full scholarship into the PhD program in Public Policy at a leading University.

I am in fact unable to find employment and live on SSI (Supplemental Security Income) the lowest of the low. I am so far beneath the poverty level (already ridiculous) that I often wonder how I manage to live at all.

So that "legacy," the access I once had to the Ivory tower on the 4th floor we wrote is now gone. Not because they didn't like my work-- they loved it! Solid A in Public Journalism.

Well if I were in New York today, I would most likely be one of the people o the streets. Actually, I would probably be sitting across the street at the Bookstore just so I could stay close to the vast amounts of wisdom and philosophy within the hollowed halls as classes break for the summer. I would be watching people go in and out and be envious that they had the one thing that I don't: access.


So I made it through the very Same J-School where Pat Buchanan refused to speak to his Alma-mater because he once punched someone in the face on the 5th floor. I made it through despite the fact that I often times slept in my car in the middle of winter because I could not afford gas for the commute and eventually lost my apartment. I made it through having no electricity and frozen water pipes.

The question is: can I make it through this? I paid my dues. I deserve a chance. Dammit, I deserve a do-over. I deserve a job. I deserve a little credit.

Will our policy decision be based upon our need for reform or the ability to perform?

We used to joke about all the sell-out Journalist who give up on reporting the news to become speech writers for politicians. How people like Pat Buchanan (a J-School alum) became so skilled at using their words to sell ideas in such a way that people actually believed the propaganda they were sinning.

I have given much thought to this... the only people who are more arrogant and self serving than politicians and academics are reporters!

I think they become addicted to the their own power to manipulate people and they are willing to trade a little tarnished idealism for power and inflated self-esteem.

I am not one of those people. I care enough about the issues to take the time to examine them from all angles-- and I fell that the massive amount of money being spent by agencies that I hold in deep respect launching a counter-attack on the insurance companies and their ad execs will have serve to damage their reputation. I chose to volunteer with these agencies because I believe they are well informed and do a great job to involve the everyday average Americans like myself in the political process.

By spending $750,000 on advertising, these groups now seem to be on the same level as the Insurance Industry and others who exploit the poor and infirm at the mercy of the healthcare marketplace.

So I take issue with this campaign. Let Rick Scott be heard. Using such tactics will make the good guys no better than the Insurance Companies that exploit us all.

Are these ads showing us: how to reform or how to perform?

The large amount of funds being thrown (public or private) being spent on media fluff, and emotional being spent on media propaganda and 'skittles' on both sides of the healthcare debate.

I am offended by the huge amounts of money being spent on propaganda and skittles by both sides of the healthcare debate. Excessive, exorbitant monies being spent to manipulate the public through misleading ads, expert analyses, media alerts~ this is insulting at best.

Real dollars being used to manipulate the public about real issues: the sick; the poor; the ignorant... We are selling bad data and information to those who need it the most.


Talk about adding insult to injury? I do hope HCAN, HealthJustice and others will reconsider this campaign. I am one foot soldier who is unwilling to participate in this one.


Bottom line is this: we need to stop manipulating images and perceptions about the reality of healthcare, education, and social welfare in the United States. All is not well in America. Not well at all. And I am here to prove it!


Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Anytown, United States of America

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Good Fences or Good Neighbors




What must my neighbors think? I am up all night and I sleep all day. I can only write with one pen, and I often leave my keys in the door. I am noisy and loud, and to make matters worse, I'm from New York.

I listen to one song on the radio over and over again. I take everything I own with me when I leave, and carry it back in when I get home. I am constantly tripping my own feet, and probably offend them with my politics, and I am not shy to say that President Bush looks like the Outbreak Monkey.

So my neighbors may not like me. But they don't know me. And they don't care. After being assaulted in my own home several years ago, I noticed my neighbor witnessing the event through his bedroom window. When questioned by the police regarding his failure to act, he simply told them, "Well, as far as I'm concerned, good fences make good neighbors. " Well, fuck him!

Do you know how scary it is to be alone in a strange city? Afraid to leave, and, afraid to go home? To live in your car because it was the better option? To come home one day and find everything and I mean everything you own was gone? Your birth certificate, your social security card, your grandmother's jewelry. Where would you start? Would you know what to do? Would you ever go back? Would you ever feel safe again in your own home? Anywhere?

Whom would you trust? Whom could you trust?

You could trust me. Because this is who I am.

My neighbors don't know that I spend my free time volunteering at the homeless shelter or by myself. They don't know that I spent most of my twenties in constant fear and physical pain. They don't know how it feels to live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I became a prisoner of my own making. I live in fear. Fear of fire, fear of chemicals, fear of the dark. Fear of spending the rest of my life with this damn disease.

I need a map to find my keys, and once I do, I have lost my phone. I like my car. I can see everything coming towards me, and I can always get away. I like to write in my car. With one pen, and one song playing over and over again on the radio.

So as I accept the reality that I may never own property or have a place to call home, I can say with certainty that of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!

You may not care how much I know, but you do not know how much I care.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Digital Divide Hinders Democracy





As we dive headfirst into information age, the Digital Divide is more divisive than ever before.

The addition of Whitehouse, Cogressional and Regulatory websites shows us just how critical it is to be able to have your opinions heard OUTLOUD and ONLINE!

Perhaps these new additions will finally convince The Powers That Beat that there is now more than ever, the United States has an unprecedented need for equal access to internet access and social media.

We must convince local and federal authorities to provide access for the popultions in need of fair and equal access to the online information.

Contact your representatives and insist upon Open Government for all. Internet access is no longer a luxury, it is part of the democratic process.

Open Government and provide the resources for those remain silent due to the Digital Divide!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Bottom Dollar: How Much is Too Much for Healthcare Reform


The Ultimate Price: The Bottom Dollar in Healthcare Reform

The most recent victims of our states radical cuts from the state’s Medicaid Rolls, the –wheels are now in motion. Tennessee’s decision to eradicate yet another class of TennCare / Medicaid recipients of The Daniels Class, 140,000 social security recipients are currently in the process of being recertified to determine their eligibility for Medicaid. This waiver was requested and granted as a measure to limit the number of Medicaid recipients the state would be forced to cover under federal law.

As a result, 140,000 people like myself may the healthcare we fought so hard to obtain. The poor, the sick and the elderly. The disabled residents of Tennessee. We will now join the ranks of the other 47 million Americans without health insurance. More people that will be forced to rely upon the federal government because the individual states have failed them. Shifting the burden once again. But somebody has to pay.

So the discussion has gone round and round and round again just to find the right place to dump the costs. From private to public and then back again. Upon the shoulders our children and the conscience of a nation.

But we need to determine where and when we draw the line. We need to decide on the bottom line and just how much we are willing to gamble on our individual welfare and the health of our nation. How much is it worth. $1 Billion $7 Billion? $700 Billion? Do we value our healthcare more than our vehicles or our homes? Companies that profited by institutionalizing predatory lending bankrupting families, communities and the country as a result.

To be clear, WE ARE ALL PAYING!

I can assure you once you lose your ability to have faith in yourself to be faced with the brutal reality of the failing safety net we call Social “Security,” material belonging and personal property have lost all monetary value. And when that moment comes, you realize you have already paid far too much.

To be clear, YOU ARE ALL PAYING. Yes, all of us are paying some price.....

Where is the safety net? Where is the American Dream that I so diligently chased after for so many years? What was the point spending so much on an education that will never be utilized? I understand the how; I just don't understand why.

Elyssa Durant
Nashville, Tennessee

Part IV: The Final Outcome

Where I Stand Today? I Have No Fucking Idea


Social Security Informed Me My Coverage Will End Today, July 1, 2009.
This letter was written, at 4:33 EST. Over and Out.

I just received a letter from the United States Congress.
Please summon the angels. I need some good news.

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee, USA

The Final Chapter: Where I Stand Now




Part I: Insurance Department: File Number #95-192-1535


I would like to review the merits of an Insurance Investigation that ultimately ruled in my favor that concluded on April 16, 1996. File No. 95192-07586

Unfortunately, this is a very complicated case that involves tax and insurance fraud, because I recently learned that for the last 14 years, my parents have been using my social security number to claim as (1) an employee -- thus covered under an ERISA beneficiary plan that I have never been able to access and (2) was claimed as a dependent on my mother's NY State tax return for many years making impossible for me to file taxes or obtain insurance, disability benefits, or student financial aid since neither parent is willing to release a copy of their return.

I filed a complaint with the Pennsylvania Insurance Department in 1995, and received response six moths after the policy had expired. Despite the considerable evidence I provided to the Insurance Dept. and Pennsylvania Blue Shield, I was told that despite the overwhelming evidence that I provided, Blue Shield / Insurance Dept.] did not have the authority to override the terms of the contract. I did not collect any damages of mandatory federal fines, because I could not do that without legal assistance.

Since ERISA mandates that all beneficiaries (including insured dependents) be given a copy of the policy (among other forms of insurance identification, e.g., EOBs, Insurance ID C, and a copy of the policy, my requests for ERISA mandated materials were repeatedly denied until Jason Manne made a Title IV-D request from the Pennsylvania Dept. of Public Welfare. After sending a letter to Pensylvania Blue Shield, my insurance carrier to inform them that they in accordance with federal law, they must honor my request for a copy of the insurance policy.

The insurance Department came to the same conclusion: that my rights under federal law had been violated, but because this situation was unprecedented in the state of Pennsylvania, it took approximately 9 months before BCBS decided to send me the necessary documentation. In addition, my plan had expired, and BCBS refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation (which would have been extended from 18 months to 36 since I was disabled at the time of the qualifying event plan supporting my initial request for federally mandated information in accordance with ERISA 4236.

Blue Shield refused to honor my request for COBRA continuation and / or a reassignment of benefits so those providers could be reimbursed directly. According to their attorney, Tija Hilton-Phillips, they had no obligation to provide me with any information about COBRA continuation and shifted the burden of responsibility onto the plan administrator and/or fiduciary. In addition to having the terms of my policy falsified in writing, I was unable to identify the plan administrator of fiduciary. Since federal law requires that all plans be filed with the Dept. of Labor, I contacted them on multiple occasions and wrote several letters requesting a copy of claims made under the policy, the plan fiduciary, administrator, and the specific type of ERISA plan (e.g., self-insured) that was on filed in accordance with federal law. Again, my verbal requests were denied. I then sent a written request to the regional office in Philadelphia but again, received no response.

Washington requests in Washington in accordance with federal law. , e.g., self-insured, their assistance in (with information Furthermore, the Dept. of Labor requesting this information were never answered. I never found out the name of the plan administrator or the fiduciary, and was never offered COBRA continuation, and then BCBS refused to let me continue under COBRA, claiming they were not obligated to offer it to... so who is ultimately held accountable in these situations.


When I first filed this complaint against BCBS, each agency denied responsibility despite the overwhelming evidence that I had provided. Although I was only 22 at the time, I spent my days and nights reading up on insurance, labor and employment law, and subsequently came to believe that aside from violating my natural rights, I had been denied due process protections and requested legal assistance from advocacy organizations in New York, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. I was unable to find any one who would take my claims seriously, and could not find anyone to take my case pro-bono or on contingency. Eventually, I moved to Nashville, TN and tried to recover from the physical injuries and the new emotional scars that left me cynical and bitter about a judicial system that consistently fails to enforce natural and human rights.


Everyone I spoken to thus far reiterates the same statement-- practically verbatim, "I sympathize with your dilemma, yet, as you know, our office does not have the jurisdiction to assist you in this matter." I sought the assistance of an attorney at Shnaeder Harrison years ago (regarding Pennsylvania Act 62) and Jason Manne in the Dept. of Public Welfare.

Although I may be biased, I believe this case has substantial social merit and long standing implications for children in the state of Pennsylvania. I am a reputable witness, and have 5 years of doctoral studies under my belt in the field of social policy.

I have been unsuccessful in my search for a competent litigator (unfortunately, this is an unprecedented case that touches on all the hot issues before the 3rd circuit including ERISA and the State's interest in Equal Educational Opportunity and due process protections for children (and adults) who are "victimized twice... first by their parents, and then, again by a judicial system who fails to protect them" (it's been a while, but I believe that is a paraphrase of the dissenting opinion from Justice Montemuro in Curtis v. Klein.)

In many ways, I feel it is too late for me to recover what I lost due to a snag in the law and a few loopholes in the system. I have collected evidence for over 14 years because I used to believe that justice might prevail.

If she has an interest in looking bold into the face of police corruption, I would like to share my story (and the documents) to be sure no other child in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania falls victim to such heinous crimes due to legal technicalities from an outdated piece of legislation. It has been 14 years since my case was “abandoned” by the state judicial system in the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas. It is time to have these loop holes closed for good and ensure equal protection under the law for all children—not just those who are lucky enough to have a fair hearing or be heard before they reach the age of majority.

With the support and inspiration, I received from some very kind and brilliant professors in sociology and social policy, plan to submit a book proposal to document the sequence of events that still astound me and curious onlookers who take a quick peek as they casually pass in and out of my life. You see, it is much like a traffic accident-- people like to take comfort in seeing the tragedy of a broken man and his family demonstrating the social injustices and inequity resulting from a stratified society where only "violent" criminals or those who commit acts that violate or impede the natural rights of others are not taken seriously by the judicial system or the public at large. Unaware of the consequences that arise from dual standards in the worst of academic snobbery and intellectual elitism -- living a lifestyle they might otherwise envy.

I would appreciate assistance in restoring my social security number and account so that I do not have live in constant fear. If that means either relocating to another country and/or having my name and social security number changed or restored, it is probably well worth the inconvenience if it means there is still hope for living a peaceful existence.

Part II: Duplication of Benefits: Medicaid to the Rescue
The Application and Appeal for Disability Benefits

I remember how difficult it was for me to obtain benefits when I first applied several years ago. I am deeply concerned about how the most recent decision to eradicate yet another class of TennCare / Medicaid recipients (the Daniels class made up of SSI recipients by way of a pending federal waiver) will affect the poor and disabled residents in Tennessee. Without my current level of benefits, I simply do not function.


Before my benefits were stabilized, learning to navigate the system consumed every waking moment of my life. I was unable to work or attend school on any substantial level and I am frightened to see at might happen if I were to stray from my established, stabilized, treatment plan. If I lose my benefits, will I still be able to work? To function? To be productive?


Any new public program requires careful planning if it is to be effective. Recent discussions have not focused on the true impact these changes will have on the "street-level."


Has anyone asked recipients how they feel the new program (safety- net) should be designed, implemented, or evaluated? How will this impact the community and other social service or welfare agencies??? I want access, quality, and outcomes. I want... I want... I want!!!


The massive number of people being dis-enrolled or limited in their access to medical care and other social services will no doubt create significant anxiety, confusion, and chaos for everyone involved in the social service and health care industries.


I remember when Mr. Brian Lapps was somewhere very high up on the corporate TennCare ladder in 1999 when they adjusted the prescription formulary over Memorial Day in 1999. I see Mr. Lapps quite frequently since he now works at the local gas station down the street from where I live.


To this day, he insists that cell phones and TennCare are somehow contraindicated. Perhaps he knows nothing of the population he claims to know just all-too-well... housing conditions that may or may not have electricity, broken families-some riddled with community violence and domestic disturbances. In the hood, your cell phone is your very best friend. 9-1-1.


These people plagued by domestic violence and community instability makes a cell phone the only logical option. How can you find a job with out a phone? How can you find a home with out a job? Yet even 6 years later, Mr. Lapps uses cellular phones as an example how the TennCare program is being abused by lazy, cheap, and unscrupulous second hand citizens who are just shiftless lazy bums waiting around for their next free hand-out.


Anyone who has EVER applied for or relied upon any kind of government subsidy to have their basic needs met, e.g., food, shelter, medical care, dental treatment, etc... let me personally assure you that there has never been a single time where I felt I was "pulling one over" on the government. I am not just one of the poor saps who believed what they told me they in school, I bought it hook, line, and sinker for the mere price of $152,718.130 and not a shred of financial security to show for it.


Even after consolidating my student loans, the interest alone is $10 less than my monthly income from social security.


Tennessee is in the process of applying for yet ANOTHER federal waiver to eliminate the "Daniels" class of Medicaid recipients-- the poorest and sickest of all. SSI Recipients. Can you live on $623.00 / month? Can anyone?


So what happens now that the state of Tennessee will begin to cut off social security recipients from TennCare? I honestly do not think I can survive yet another re-certification process-- God knows the first one almost killed me. After three years of appeals, my condition had deteriorated so severely that I was forced to drop out of school, lost my home, lost my sanity, and lost hope. In short-- I lost my dignity and my belief in the social welfare system.


By the time my benefits were approved, I had already checked myself in to NYU Psych Ward because simply could not cope with the reality of what my life I had become. I weighed 94 pounds and suffered in excruciating pain that has only gotten worse with time. My extremities were ice cold, and my hands were numb since I went without medical treatment for the spinal injury that was first discovered when I was 22.


I am now 36 years old. My spinal cord is now damaged from years of delayed, sub-standard medical treatment. I owe the federal government $179,982.00 in student loans and when I am able to work, I make $10.46 / hour as a substitute teacher in an urban school district. That job comes with no security and no benefits. It does however offer the flexibility I need to receive the bi-monthly epidural injections and other procedures necessary to manage my pain and alleviate the numbness I feel because of the damage to my nerves. And even though I cannot afford the gas money to get my appointments, pay for all of my medication, or even to get back and forth to work, it does allow me a few weeks of mobility so I can drive, use my mouse or hold a pen.


I have an advanced master's degree from an Ivy League Institution. I am 12 credits shy of a PhD in public policy. And despite maintaining a 3.83 grade point average while completing an advanced masters in social and educational policy at an, "Ivy League" institution; a 3.2 GPA during the 3 years I spent working on my doctorate at a not-quite-so-prestigious Graduate School; The Powers That Beat in that damn Ivory Tower don't will not grant me any leniency by extending the amount or time permitted to complete my degree-- a rule that was changed while I was on a formal leave of absence tending to my health (and my Medicaid appeals!). Not only did they decide 8 years was the rule instead of the 10 it had been previously, I was also told that I could not even transfer the credits I had earned toward a different degree towards another program at the same institution. It has been just over ten years since I first enrolled. What a mistake that was!


The "Harvard of the South" no longer officers the degree to which I was admitted-- and enrolled so they actually suggested that I pay for a 3rd application to the school (I was admitted into two degrees-- the MPP as well as the PhD program in a separate college) requiring two independent applications, fees, transcripts, test scores, even way back when I was still considered a promising candidate. Now "they" think it is reasonable to ask that I do it all over again??? It goes without saying that I do not have the financial resources available to finish my last semester, take the GREs or GMATs one more time, or even the money to release my transcripts from the Graduate School into any other program at the same University, I guess I am just shit out of luck.


To be clear, WE ARE ALL PAYING for that student debt because I can assure you that their endowment is far greater than any income or earning potential I have given my current financial status and student loan debt! To be clear, YOU ARE ALL PAYING to keep me on Welfare. Yes, all of us are paying some price..... We I want to work. I want to be productive. I want to be a part of something greater than myself. I want to share what I've learned.


So throughout the years I struggled to stay in school, believing somehow that social justice would prevail, and my heart and dedication towards the greater good would show through to whomever, wherever, or whatever that could make my degree worth while-- the Medicaid and disability applications managed to take front seat. So as I filed appeal after appeal after appeal, I managed to acquire well over 1/4 million (yes-- MILLION) dollars in debt due to uninsured medical expenses and student loans. Despite having 3 Major Medical insurance policies, I still went bankrupt applying for Medicaid. Morally Bankrupt.


My life will never be the same. My heart will never be the same. I want to pay my bills on time. I want to get off welfare, but no one ever taught me how to be poor.


So after all this-- now I face losing my healthcare once again? Where is the safety net? Where is the American Dream that I so diligently chased after for so many years? What was the point spending so much on an education that will never be utilized? I understand the how; I just don't understand why.


Maybe one of these days Vanderbilt University or and the Department of Education will realize it might just be cheaper to hire me that harass me, because unless I find a real paying job soon, their collections department will no longer be able to reach me on that extravagant lifeline my friend, Brian Lapps, refers to as a luxury.


If anyone on your staff would like to "trade places" with me for one month-I will gladly assume his/her responsibilities for that position if you can find a writer who is willing to endure and write about the reality of social services in our fine state. I do not want a paycheck from your organization; I just want the opportunity to put the myth of freeloading welfare mother s to rest. Live in my shoes for 30 days. Can you find the out? Can you balance my budget and make it work? Can you get the bill collectors of my back? Can you afford Internet service to file state job applications and apply for services online? Can you maintain pride and dignity without feeling the least bit sorry for yourself and the choices you have made?


When I go to the pharmacy, I am humiliated that I do not have the $3.00 necessary for the co-pay on my covered TennCare prescriptions. At least when it was $40 dollars, I was not so damn embarrassed by my lack of funds.


Remind me again why I went to school. Remind me once more why I bother to speak out. Then remind me right now that that there is somebody listening. I cannot be the only one who actually gives a crap. My contact information is listed below.



Part III: The Final Appeal: While Frozen in Time My Life Comes to Halt
An Appalling Appeal: It Was Never Reviewed: Appeal Filed September 11, 2009


Today I was finally able to submit handed in the appeal I waited over three years to submit. And it is just an APPEAL!

Not even a decision. Not a win, but also not a loss.

The APPEAL has given me the strength to keep going. In part because it shows that I haven't lost and in part because it means that somebody actually listening.

So listen carefully, my friends. It was not too long ago that I had almost everything a young person needs to succeed in this world.

Or maybe not.

As for my most current insurance dispute... I feel that I have done everything humanly possible to be sympathetic towards health care provider who is NOT providing care. I cannot sacrifice my own well being for every bright eyed bushy tailed wanna be who is too stupid to see that I am far from.

I had such a battle this week. It culminated in the end like every other battle I have taken on. I only won because ultimately but we are all losing.

For every underqualifed, health care provider who has NOT provided the adequate, there are many more like me. Alienated just enough to give up on fashion, etiquette and social norms, but not enough to walk from it all.

We are keeping watch. We are taking names, and I for one do not give a rat's ass about "keeping the peace."

Having been on both sides if the proverbial couch, I have the perspective is both enlightening and scary at the same time. I look back and want to say shout "told you so" from the nearest roof top.

Crazy is crazy does... out loud. I may be enjoying this just a little too much.

Sometimes I try to look at this fight, (I meant to say this life) objectively.

I can see my own future, and I can see where it is taking me. I know how it will end it I don't keep up the pace.

It is amazing at how far we will go to have nothing at all.

I have come this far, and on some level I almost enjoy the dance. No. On some level, I actually love the dance.

No. I won't give up now. Because without this turmoil, this means to an end, this demonstration project of futility and determination, and without it, I am nothing at all. I can't lose what I never had. I won’t be another sell-out-- mostly because I don't know how.

I am then the voice of perseverance. I am one voice of perseverance. I am one of 47 million Americans. And today I am I am still fighting the good fight.

This battle; this challenge; this half won war this fight has come to define me. And without that, I am not really much of anything at all...

As someone once told me, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. I've already fallen, but I sure as shit stand for something.

"... so for now, I write. Maybe later listen. And if there is any justice left in this world, maybe someday, I'll actually live. "

Good night, folks. It is time for that break.

Elyssa Durant
Nashville, Tennessee




Part IV: The Final Outcome
Where I Stand Today? I Have No Fucking Idea



Social Security Informed Me My Coverage Will End Today, July 1, 2009.
This letter was written, at 4:33 EST. Over and Out.

I just received a letter from the United States Congress.
Please summon the angels. I need some good news.

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee, USA