The Greatest Gift, The Deepest Grief

It has been almost 4 months since I first posted "Please Save Spotty" and not a single person within the state of Tennessee has responded. The entire city of Nashville has completely neglected ignored this desperate pleas. Some even made jokes, or thought it was somehow appropriate to ask me for favors: campaign contributions and support, or to ask me to donate money to their campaigns. I am not a stranger to this down. I became a resident on August 8, 1996. I volunteered at the Safehaven shelter oncw a week for three year. I have spent my time supported causes and candidates tomake Nashville a better communnity for all of us. Well guess whart? I failed. Because Nashville could not be any more indifferent, apathetic or just plain cruel from where I stand.

So guess what? You are indeed stuck with me and the unbelievable debt, and none of the benefit. I won't be volunteering on your campaigns, and don't think for one second I have forgotten each and every person who pretended I was invisible. I may be invisible but I am not blind, and I see through each and every person who offered their support publicly, and turned their back in the middle of a real crisis. And yes, I do know the difference. So here you have it... without apology. Fuck you right back.

Here we go again... I wish people would care as much about their children as I do about my Spotty. So I guess this is goodbye again. I'm not stupid, and I know that I can't blame my mom for this one since I'll be the one to drive her to the shelter tomorrow.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I really hate this world.

No one gives a shit about the kids who are already here living in poverty, foster homes, on the streets, or anyway the can to survive. So who gives a shit about a few people who at least have the luxury of a quick painless death rather than having it drained out of them day by day; tear by tear, year after year after year after year?

I don't want to get rid of Spotty. I don't want her euthanized when I feel her little head nuzzled against my neck. She is not sick, she is not, and her only crime is belonging to me. What the fuck with this world. We can through puppies into plastic bags and freeze them to death because it is "easier" than "putting them to sleep."

So yeah, there you have it. I fucked up again. How ironic that the one thing I don't have is the only thing people seem to want from me. I can't wait to hear about this one. I am 36 years old. I am not a child I am not a criminal I am not cruel.

Why must they take the one thing I love-- the one thing that loves me? Does it make it all better for everybody else? Dad, I learned my lesson. I have accepted the hand I have been dealt.

If I say I'm sorry, would that make it okay for me to keep Spotty? Will someone please tell me what I need to say because I'm not sure what I did?

I'm old enough to know that nobody's coming to save me. I don't even bother to ask but why must an innocent animal who did not ask for this be the ultimat6e punishment for a sin I don't remember committing.

So where does Spotty go? To the farm with Abby & Ollie during divorce number two and custody battle number 4? Will my father mail me some fake ashes out of the fire place? Will my mommy drive her out to Suffolk County so she can use an assumed name like "Harrison" so I can't locate her? At least I found Pepe. I can only hope that one day I'll find Spotty.

Special message to two "special" people:

Mom: I hope some takes Ziggy from you. The same way you took Pepe to that shelter in Suffolk County during the darkest moment of my life. I remember what you said, and what you were told by 3 separate mental health professionals. In fact, they remember too, because they found your actions to be so far beyond the scope of rational behavior, they documented the entire thing. In fact, once Pepe was located, they kept a copy of the "adoption papers" in my medical records both as a precaution and as relevant family history.

Dad: Well, whatever. I can't think of anything care enough about to lose-- so enjoy. You win. I surrender. Whatever. I guess you'll tell what I'm supposed to do because that worked so well with my last Landlord.

Why can't live a life without empathy. I guess if you don't love anything but yourself, you will never know grief.

Well now I'm really fucked, because I'm not all fond of myself these days. Don't worry, you don't need to call parents, they already know, and they couldn't care less. In fact they'll probably bill you for wasting their time. Besides, unless you went Harvard, Yale or Princeton they give a shit what you think. So join the club.

Goodnight for now. I'm going for a drive to see if I can find a shelter for poor little Spotty.

Just remember this: Spotty didn't choose me. I chose her. So here we go again... apparently there is not a single person I know who is willing to save Spotty.

Actually, that sounds about right. I know exactly how she feels.

PET ID: SPOTTY http://www.idtag.com/lost-pet-details/id-20083

http://darknightdurant.blogspot.com/2009/04/please-save-spotty.html

I just learned on the 1st of this month that I have to move out of my apartment by next Wednesday. I hate moving.

What I hate more is that I am allowed my kitty cat named, "Spot" cannot come with me. Please help me find a good home for Spotty.

Spotty has been primarily an indoor cat for the last 5 1/2 years that she has been with me. I am quite sure she would adjust well in any probably enjoy playing in the outdoors. She likes to sit on the porch in the sun and take in the fresh air.

She is almost 6 years old, spayed, and really needs a good home where she can play and have fun! She is very active, but also very affectionate. She had all her shots but may need a booster sometime soon, but she has no pet insurance :-(

Spotty is a very kool kat. She is also very pc... neither black nor white, she is simply Spot.

When you are working too long or too late, she will let you know you need a break by curling up on the power cord right next to your pc. She loves chasing mice when she really wants attention or wants to play.

Please help me find a good home for Spotty. She deserves at least that much and I simply do not have what she needs.

Please Save Spotty! Spotty saved me.