Krazy is, Krazy Does

Sorry for the disconnect... phone battery went dead. There is some good news (finally) Judge -- will be on the bench tomorrow...

Thank f'ing G-d! Because he is only person I can think of might actually take a look at the FACTS rather than the rumors. How many times do I have to call TennCare, Social Security, or the Mental Health Coop to tell to fix their own mistakes?

Ironically (and yes, I do think it is okay to cry, but also think it okay to laugh at your own problems too ("Lean to laugh at your problems, everyone else will.” When I told my rep payee to take good records, I let him know that even IF he things I'm pout my mind with paranoia, It would be so much easier to just do that than it would be to deal with me.

Legal Aid won't represent me because they said they limited resources-- well guess what? SO DO I!!!!

I went back the pharmacy and THEY DELETED scripts from my record.

Legal Aid & Pro-bono said they cannot recommend anyone to take my case for free since my father and sister are both attorneys they told me that they would have to either (1) come to Nashville (from Austria and Philadelphia to represent me or (2) make them pay for attorney fees.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that a little fuKt up? I spoke to someone at the PHD program because they read 64044: Medical Alert.

My sister is furious with me blames me for ruining my mothers wedding in Las Vegas, oh yeah... but she IS a "LAWYER." Whatever...

I drove 30+ miles again today to get my medical records, only to learn once again, they cannot find them.

I am so glad that there are at least a few people out there who remember me from when I was a kid people, and a few people who can identify without three blood tests to be transferred to a medical facility.

Yes, I ASKED to be committed. I called for help. I said it every single way I knew how, without asking people who were most able to give it.

I never forget a slight, and I am extremely grateful to people who didn't ask questions or doubt my intentions. I will hold themin my my thoughts, and can safely peomise that I will never again call upon you for help.

There is something to be said for paying it forward. So to people who actually took the time to phsyically see if I was okay, and to two very specuial ladies who brought me vclothing after everything I had in my possession ws taken away from me... and to the photographer who actually observed my injuries, thank you. I canhonestly say that I took one for the team. For the tweeters and twackers who let me know I was alone in my journey.. you're right I wasn't. You can tweet for peeps without bering certifiably nuts. That's not to say I am not certifiably nuts, but I thinks it rather pretentious for y'all to think that you know my mind better than I do after after 36 years. I want to believe that this feel connected to a world filled with hatred, bigotry and violence.... I made it through. And I already paid it forward.

It is pretty clear what I need, and I so tired of people asking why I can't find one. Have you seen the news? What I need is hot water. What I need is a safe place to go. What I need is the idiot who fucked up my computer to fix the damn thing. I wouldn't having a safe place for Spotty, and a little bit of acceptance. So out of respect for people that I once held in high regard, I chose to take the proper channels. I fed them information without claiming ownership... I sold a news story for $1.00. Kool... I made a dollar last year. That will pay the bills.

There were people I respected and admired, and now see as shallow and insincere. People who are afraid to be associated with someone "like" me? What exactly does that mean anyway? Aren't you impressed that I'm a Harvard Lagacy? Am I not one of the "Chosen People?"

Do you think I am living on a tiotal income of $615.00/month because it is fun?

If you can do better, pleeeeeze let me know...

If I can see somebody else doing it, then maybe I could figure out how to do it myself. I am willing to learn from anyone. Just think of all the valuabnle lessons Hitler taught us??? Yes, people are sheep.

I learned even your mistakes, so is there nothing of value that I can bring to this community???

Would you like to try going on welfare for three months or so? I think yo would enjoy the application process. After all there is nothing quite like it in the world.

So, I was "ordered" not to vvolunteer, not to call the police if I hear gun shots, because only crazy people call 911 several times in one day. Only thing is, "crazy" people exagerate the situation, so clearly if I have lived for three years, then I can certainly wait another few months. Really?

I am only allowed to use than 100 words or less in my written correspondence. Thank God for

Twitter, it is good training.

BTW (by the way ;-) The Gettysburg Address was only 267 words. Less than two tweets. Granted, I am no Lincoln, but every once in a while, I do say something important.
There is something to be said for brevity, but their is also something to be said about honesty, isolation, and the value of technology for people with disabilities. So let this be my project for "Save The Internet" because Legal Aid thought it was kinda funny when I told them that my Internet was scheduled to be diconnected.

Who needs the internet anyway? Who needs information, access, a forum, a voice??? And even if some tweets make me laugh, is that so bad?? Maybe even a small diversion from reality? Am I not worthy?

I foolishly believed that by volunteering in the community, I would come accross a real job with real wages and real benefits. Yeah, that was a great idea.

Don't worry.. I learned my lesson. I will volunteer no more. After all, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

Let it be known I'm a pretty quick study. I am cursed with a exceptionally vivid memory. My cortisol levels have been running low since '95. You figure it out. (Robert Sapolsky: Why Zebra's Don't Get Ulcers)

I am truly offended by the events that led people to call my family half way around the world and the country, when all they really needed to fdo was ask me. Not all "kids" are lost... some don't want to be found.

I was told to "go home." Well guess what, people? I am home.

Who thought it was a good idea to call my mommy and daddy to tell them how I am "embarrassing myself?"

Really??? Do You think they care? KUDOS TO YOU!
www.youtube.com/v/xumsvSi8qz0&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&border=1">

Yes, I am reckless, I am loud, I am always right, and I am "out of my mind fucking nuts" also known as "OTWFN: Off The Wall Fucking Nuts" and that is the presumption. Don't forget, I am very much father's daughter, and am very much my mother's alibi. So thanks. Points!

All the better for them because the crazier I am, the less embarrassed they feel. How about some extra credit for their excellent parenting skills.

Crazy? Loud? Different?

Guilty, as charged. I am sooo embarrassed... how dare I post crazy shit like this online? Don't I know how bazzaar that seems? Don't you? Because let's face it... there are two possibilities:

(1) I'm telling the truth, and it's serious,

~or~

(2) I'm NOT telling the truth, and it's serious.

So for everyone who told me to go home... did you actually think my parents would rush in to rescue me? You have my parents would rush in to rescus me... sorry, but no. Now I'm stuck here.

And for the record, even suggesting that there is "home" to go to... well than YOU haven't been paying attention.

Don't you realize I am home?

I find it so hard to believe that after all this time people find it easier to speak around me and actrually think that is in my best interests? Sorry, but no.

And, you need not worry-- I don't need to be told twice where I'm not welcome.

I am less than 20 miles from several people who called Philadelphia, only to find that they don't want me either. Why would they possibly want to have me in their pristine, well-decorated homes when you paint such a lovely picture.

Guess what-- I' have never even seen my father's home... nor do I expect an invitation to Thanksgiving or Christmas.

So to all the people who "phoned home" to complain about e.d., job well done, you're stuck with me now.

And since I can't get a get a job, anmd I can't really afford the gas to go anywhere, I donb't think you need to call in a crisis team. I am perfectly happy sitting here by myself listening to my favorite youtube videos and thinking about everyone else tucjed safe and snug in their Ethan Allen beds. Good night to you all... you don't need to read this, and of course, you can ALWAYS hit delete.

That makes me sick. I never was really was a child, and it is really odd that people would start treating like one now. That is such bullshit, because child support was terminated on August 15, 1988. No other provisions were made, and I earned more money at 14 than I did in the last 10 years out together.

I miss the Barge. I think it is ridiculous that people would complain that I am "embarrassing myself.” At least I'm willing to take ownership of that one... was it less embarrassing to find out my mother contacted my professors and withdrew from classes because I was "too ill" to go to school.

Is any less embarrassing then being left at the airport on Thanksgiving Day? Or told that you do not deserve to go the dentist, that you can't sleep in the guest room if you have nightmares because you I might ruin the furnituDo think I actually give a shit about embarrassing myself? Do you think for a second they are counting on it? Did you think for one moment that there might, just, may be a reason I do not want to go home.

Is it less embarrassing than having your mother finds you "housing" at a long-term state psychiatric hospital, or being told that you might not have a fill on your soda because it cost $1.00? Is it any less embarrassing than finding out you have a new two months after he was born?

Yeah, I am embarrassed. Send me to Canada PLEEEZE!!!

Yes, I can act crazy. Yes, I may be crazy, and I sure a sh-t wish I was because there might be a possibility that created all of this "in my head.” It is not normal to have 43 addresses on file. It is not normal to care more about a cat than any single human alive. So, no, I am not normal, but does that make me bad? Does it make me dangerous? Does it want being told to "leave town" or take my own my own life so that society is not burdened by caring for me financially? Well, guess what-- I do not really care anymore, and there been many times in my life where I would rather not be alive, I refuse to let "them" Not like that.

So for so many people who have silenced me before, keep in mind I am NOT psychotic. And I am definitely not "normal"

I am done. I so "over it" by now that if your embarrassed by my actions than you are giving me way too much power. I can own behavior, and I can accept my feelings. If you.

But I will not live in fear for the rest the of my life. And if I do get evicted tomorrow, so be it. It won't be the first time. And if your really lucky, there will some great new books donated to the public library. Yes, I AM ANGRY. Anger is a very strong emotion that is key to motivational theory. So yes, I am angry AND I am motivated.

According to my mother, lovely little creature that she is, I was evicted form childhood homes in Cherry Hill, Lawrence, Great Neck (North and South) and yes, of course, that was somebody else’s fault too.

Apparently was all my stepmother's fault. Nice. At least their mother would not allow them to be thrown away with each new boyfriend, tummy tuck, Jaguar or diamond ring.

So aren’t you guys glad you called my parents because now your stuck with me, my medical bills, and student debt. Isn't that special? I came here to WORK. I came here to be a part of something. I came here to lave the past behind me. I filled my long nights volunteering at the Family Shelter. I spent my dads sleeping in four-hour shifts, and hoping that my oh-so-vivid dreams might actually be pleasant for just one night.

So if and when I do leave, you can trust that I might just have to look back and think... about my death benefit of $543 dollars and the mound of debt I acquired because think I'm capable enough to work.

Why do I know that? Because I'm paying attention to the rules and I'm payoing attention to the news. It is not so random, and it not so crazy.

So here's your challenge: Blue vs. Blue; Curtis v. Klein, and Pennsylvania Act 62. But don't worry, I'm am NOT a lawyer. And I have never fioled a single lawsuit in my entire life. Yes I have filed appeals, but that'd getting old since no one bothers to follow up. What the ~ is wrong with THAT picture??????

All I can say is this, I tried. I tried damn hard. But ya know, crazy is, crazy does.

Aren't you guys lucky to have me? This is my home. This WAS my home. Thanks for making me feel so welcome. e.d. over and out.

TIME ISSUES: The Powers That Tweet

March 24, 2009

Dear Representatives:

Thank you so much for your time and thoughtful consideration of the I do hope that people can learn from the mistakes of the past and perhaps realize that while matters of law should be consistent and rules are important for children, not all children respond to the same set of rules.

I attaching three documents to this e-mail that I hope will demonstrate how child custody can eventually become a very adult matter. Unfortunately, custody disputes and child arrangements can have some unintended consequences. In my case, the primary insurance company, Pennsylvania Blue Cross Blue Shield demanded a QMCSO (Qualified Medical Child Support Order) before they would provide me with a copy of my plan benefits plan, insurance identification card, and EOBs (explanation of benefits) They attorney for Blue Cross Blue Shield waited exactly 6 months 15 days after my 23rd birthday before mailing this information. Conveniently, two weeks after the terminal liability clause ran out.

Make no mistake. Denying a beneficiary of information regarding policy benefits and claims is a blatant violation of federal law. It comes under a class of civil litigation that has been historically difficult to win, and it is near impossible to collect ERISA claims. By the time I had received the information about my benefits, my condition deteriorated so quickly that I wound up in the emrgency room wiith bone spurs and even that calim was never paid.

Although it was determined that Pennsylvania Blue Shield was in violation of both state and federal law, I was so exhausted by the whole process that I never bothered never collected the penalty fees of $100 per day that were confirmed by the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare and the Pennsylvania Insurance Department.

It would have been near impossible to file a claim against Blue Cross Blue Shield, especially in the 3rd Circuit.

COBRA:

When I asked about COBRA benefits, Penna BCBS claimed it was the responsibility of the plan administrator and/or fiduciary to offer and extend COBRA. The paln admistrator must notify you in writing within two weeks of the qualifying event (in my case, my 23rd birthday)

Again, Pennsylvania BlCBS denied my rquests for informtion. They refused to honor a request for COBRA continuation, and argued that any requests for COBRA continuation must be directed towards the plan fiduciary or plan administrator.

Of course, that information was not made available to me, and Iever received a response from the Department of Labor in Washington, DC. To this day, March 28, 2009, I do not know the name of the Plan Fiduciary.

The next insurance company (Chickering / Aetna US HealthScare) claimed that Penna BCBS had terminal liability since I was disabled at the time of the qualifying event (my 23rd birthday)

The third insurance company (Oxford Health Insurance, an HMO in New York State) told me that as the third payor in line, I could only submit claims after providing them with proof that the claim had beendenied under the Penna BCBS terminal liability clause, and the Graduate Student Health Insurance at Columbia University.

So despite paying several hundred dollars each month, they ultimately covered little more than a limited number of visits to a primary care provider, and one trip to the ob/gyn for an annual exam.

When I moved to Tennessee in 1996, I had no idea that I would be sitting here almost 15 years later waiting on prior-authorizations, pharmacy overrides, and appealing and filing the same paper work for TennCare that I submitted back in '96.

Because I had received a full scholarship into a PhD program in Public Policy, I intended to purchase the Graduate Student Health Insurance through Vanderbilt University and expected a seamless transition since Ihad maintained contimuous coverage.

Although both Vanderbilt and Columbia Universities used the same insurance company, Chickering / Aetna US HealthCare, they had different group numbers so the policy would not transfer benefits.

Ultimately the state of Tennessee is picking up the tab in every sense of the word. Because the care I received was delayed and did not meet the established standard of care set forth by the medical community.

By the time I started to receive treatment for y physical condition, my mind was so far gone that it I could think of nothing other than ICD-9 codes, reimbursement rates, and preparing for the next round of appeals.

In the most disturbing twist of fate, I learned that Vanderbilt University did not provide mental health treatment for their Graduate Students. So having once, perhaps been of sound mind, I now had developed a full blown case of PTSD.

I was able to gain access to the Chief of Neurology and the Vanderbilt Spine Center through a special process that required considerable planning and persistance. And if nothing else, the one thing I am is persistent.

My neurologist began to notice signs of acute stress and made a referal to a neuropsychologist that he had hand picked, but by that time I simply did not have the strength, the fortitude or the desire to continue spending each and every day filinginsurance claims and appeals, that it was easier to live with the physical pain than be confronted with the emotional trauma each and every day, over, and over, and over again.

I no longer received the most basic of care for an list of diagnoses that seemedto be growing exponentially. I could not focus on anything other than insurance law and policy (which I barely passed) and wondering if I would ever be able to be independent and free from this awful experience, and the answer is an obvious NO.

I stopped applying for prior authorization, overrides, appeals and everything else, and just went through the motions with an occasional visit to the Student Health Center if I needed a flu shot or a throat culture.

I was referred to a specialist in neuropsychology and physiology because by that time, there were systemic changes to my mind and body. My cortisol levels tested below normal which seems odd to anyone under acute stress. What I learned, unfortunately, is that after long term periods of extreme and abnormal trauma and stress, the body and mind become numb and lack critical thinking skills and motivation due to chemical changes that occur over time.

I could read it, I could feel it, I could understand it, but I couild not stop the external forces that contributed to my condition. Do not think for a seconfd that I have an external locus of control, because I do recognize the difference between receiving a letter from the IRS and a coupon promising benefits that are like the Sweepstakes gone bad.

So the so called junk mail piled up, people continued to speculate as to what the ~ was wrong with me, but nobody offered to help.

There are times in life where the failure to act can be just as devistating and harmful to a person as making a bad decision. So nobody took me seriouslym and thought I must be living some fantasy in my head that was some how "controlling" my obsessive need to lock in my personal information and social secutrity number.

Today, I think I may put my Social Security Card on eBay since it is completely useless to me.

You don't to call my parents or call mobile crisis, I am neither homicidal, suicidal or delusional, I'm just determined set the record straight before my internet is terminated and/or I have to find another place to live, which at this point would most like;y be in my car.

I have no worries about anyone getting harmed right nowm because I'm sure that I know the difference between reckless endagerment and criminal negligence. So please don't call me today, I really don't feel like putting a smile for anyone other than myself. Tweet if you must... perhaps I should this post the Powers That Tweet.

I could clearly see the Writing On The Wall , and had littlehope or optisimism that that my situation would improve. One of the most significant factors predicting the outcomes of treatment modalities along with the long term prognosis for treating crazy people like me.

At times I look forward to the final straw that truly does put me over the edge. That way I could stop living my life in a way that focuses only on the physical "chain of evidence"which was exaplained to me last week at the loony bin. I think I am a pretty good judge when it comes to recognizing HIPPA violations and third party disclosure disclosures of legally protected medical information.

But to give an idea about how serious this situation is, I have already scanned in the necessary tax documents to link them back to the original source, but ironically that person does not bother to check their email unless they want something form me.

I won't be speaking today I'm rather more interested in preparing for a trial on April the 1st, and of course Tax Daym again, on the 15th. Yeah, this should be fun.

So do me a favor and DO diligence for once. Do the right thing just for today.

And as much as I hate the fact that my body hurts and I have to find someway to strech eleven dollars over the next two weeks, that I would appreciate a few tweets even though I have no idea how the stupid thjing works on my cell phone.

But whatever, I've got work to do. Catch you later.

edd

Side note: cut and paste... computer off, youtube on. Now I'm smiling...

I doubt anyone who knows me, and I mean actually knows me wants interefere with my ability to write and listen to the Dixie Chicks desire to write. Do you really want to challenge me just for today to stop writing. I do realize the difference between the formal process of communications and the krazy kid talk which scares the bejesus out of people. Whatever... this is up for grabs... I'm going to get a cheeseburger for a buck.

... blah blah blah blah.. blah blah...

informal assessment people make regarding someone's personal information.

Some documents are subject to re-disclosure and medical privacy protectionsm some are not. But recent weeks have shown me the hurtful side of informal assessment and how that can effect a grown person like myself who normally would not give a rat's ass as to what other eople opinions and judgments regarding my character.

Not today. Not right now. If you need clarify any of this I would refer to a graduate level seminar on the Sociology of Evaluation. I'm sure you can find online somewhere. I need a break.

There are times where I wish for that the my body would just go ahread anfd the rest of my adrenaline and cortisol so I cuild be free from the physical pain I feel right now, and theinherent sadness that comes from the realization that you can only do so much for so ling, and the healthy thing is to goive up. I'm still undecided.

Emotionally I cannot process the reason for this madness, and I am not referring to the madness in my head.

~insert figure 1 about here ~

... that of permanet state numbness that comes sustained periods of extrordinary stress and trauma... received gone so long without care, despite have three (overlapping) private health insurance policies I ultimately wound up on TennCare since it was a constant battle to identify the primary payor source responsible for payment. bla, blah, blah...

As a result I have been on TennCare since 1996, and I can assure you that the state is not getting off cheap. Please do not allow the Mandatory Joint Custody Bill to go through. I would not wish this experience on anyone, least of all, a child.

Please feel free to distribute these documents to all members of the Domestic Relations Committee, as they are in no way confidential at this point in time.

Thank you again for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Elyssa

--
Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee
Cell: (615) 424-8810
E-mail: ed70@columbia.edu
http://thepowersthatbeat.blogspot.com/
http://labs.daylife.com/journalist/elyssa_durant
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/145691/elyssa_durant.html


"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."

-Elyssa D'Educrat

Complete Confusion: Career in Crisis

Career in Crisis: Complete Confusion
After being rejected from a job that pays $18,000 / year at the women's prison, a job that pays $21,000 teaching Head Start, getting fired from Red Lobster (because apparently, I am just not Red Lobster "material"
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1603546/career_in_crisis_complete_confusion.html


Career in Crisis: Career Confusion

ed phoning home ouch
~fl)L~Yl8, 2003

After being rejected from a job that pays $18,000 / year at the women's prison, a job that pays $21,000 teaching Head Start, getting fired from Red Lobster (because apparently, I am just not Red Lobster "material" I decided to go to the Tennessee Career Center to take advantage of their high speed internet, free printer paper, and ink...

now would not be the best time to mention my senior thesis-- or my grad school major, or the fact that i spent the better part life as a volunteer and advocate for children at-risk.. working to give them hope and a second chance at life.

systematically invalidating such bogus, barnum-type feedback that one typically gets from a MBTI type of personality test that is given during high school or in college. i won't bother to mention the standardization of SAT scores to help our country feel better-- or the fact that the stanford-binet was created for military issue only.

who gives a shit anymore??? if you told a me a fat bearded lady at the circus could decide my fate and tell me what direction i should choose next-- i'd take it! and throw in a fat tip for being smart enough to know that any answer-- no matter how grim, is far better than just wandering aimlessly through life looking back on what might have been-- at THIRTY! AT THIRTY!!!!

after receiving five letters of rejection from jobs that require nothing more than a GED or a high school diploma, i decided to go to the tennessee career center hoping to find a job that will allow me to afford the most basic necessities of life. toothpaste, toilet paper, cat food... i got hooked up with a counselor that afternoon. he has two masters degrees-- one in educational career counseling, and a second in counseling psychology. could this be the guidance counselor i have been asking for since.. well... since... i was old enough to know was in need of guidance?

surely someone else must have recognized i was in need of guidance, but god knows my parents weren't paying attention, and having good genes just doesn't cut it these days. but now more than ever, i realize that having all the smarts in the world won't get you anywhere if you never learned how to apply them.

i am the exact same five year old who needed to win the spelling bee. in college, i was the one to set the curve, not just make it. the one to break the rules, and, break them i did, but there is no glory in being second best, second smartest, second brightest, or second anything.

i wish i could say that after all this time i developed other ego strengths and finally felt okay with who i am, you know.... "just being me," but i am sad to report that my "condition" (diagnosis) was amazingly accurate and predictable. just like all the doctors said! i wonder if they derive joy out of being right-- if they crack open a bottle of aged liquor in my fathers office and say, "see, we told you so. we told you their was nothing you could do." and so nothing they did.

and by doing nothing, and i do mean nothing-- the illness will just take will its course. and i am now, in fact, nothing. nothing costs nothing (at least to them) and daddy made another fine investment. on the other hand, nothing has drained every hope, fear, security-- every chance-- and every last breath from my body. i might have believed in me. but i know i'm alive because a tear just rolled down the side of my cheek. i am home.

but i still haven't learned. for some reason with all of my failures i am reminded of in so many ways... me, myself, as i watch them play out every time i shut my eyes or open them. yes- blink.

sometimes i ask myself, how did i get here? how did this happen? what happened to all of the plans i made for myself? where did they go? where did I go? constantly replayed over and over and over again in my mind. i must be FUCK1NG CRAZY!

but at this moment, here, even as i say the words, i am not truly insane, i am merely in pain. what a tragedy that those two words rhyme-- they ruin what could have been a very profound misnomer of the human condition and the labels we hold so dear.

i am the exact same 5 year old who needed to ACE the spelling bee, set the curve, not just make it; break the rules, and, break them i did. there is no glory in being second best. second smartest, second brightest, or second anything. being second sucks. it sucks every god-damned second of the day.

and so my search for mediocrity continues and i wait for it each and every day hoping it will find me beaten and worn from the storm. all of the storms, but dammit, its still there. i still have questions those damn elyssa questions that made all my professors so proud, damn ideas, damn thoughts, damn hope.

my mother still calls me everyday to see if i went to get food stamps to feed myself, fuck her, and her fucking things. fuck diamonds and couture and fuck that life. i was here mom, the whole fucking time. just not pretty enough with out any surgery. not pretty at all, with all those damn scars.

i hope someone out there still loves me. i do actually believe that i deserve love and kindness despite the obvious fact that i am a royal pain in the ass. i refuse to work in burger king. for right now, at least.

so goodnight my dear friends. let's all try to have sweet dreams. pepe awaits, as does alanis, and a pack of smokes that i can already taste.

yes, what could have been, what should have been-- what MIGHT have been if you let me be
m.e.

"When written in chinese, the word Crisis is composed of tvo characters: One represents danger and the other represents opportunity." -JFK

Labels: Dark Night, EyePhobic, IM Phobic

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Elyssa Lies

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I AM SOOOOO EMBARRASED!

Sorry for the disconnect... phone battery went dead. There is some good news (finally) Judge -- will be in the bench tomorrow...

Thank f'ing G-d! Because he is only person I can think of might actually take a look at the FACTS rather than the rumors. How many times do I have to call TennCare, Social Security, or the Mental Health Coop to tell to fix their own mistakes?


Ironically (and yes, I do think it is okay to cry, but also think it okay to laugh at your own problems too ("Lean to laugh at your problems, everyone else will.” When I told my rep payee to take good records, I let him know that even IF he things I'm pout my mind with paranoia, It would be so much easier to just do that than it would be to deal with me.

Legal Aid won't represent me because they said they limited resources-- well guess what? SO DO I!!!!

I went back the pharmacy and THEY DELETED scripts from my record.

Legal Aid & Pro-bono said they cannot recommend anyone to take my case for free since my father and sister are both attorneys they told me that they would have to either (1) come to Nashville (from Austria and Philadelphia to represent me or (2) make them pay for attorney fees.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that a little fuKt up? I spoke to someone at the PHD program because they read 64044: Medical Alert.

My sister is furious with me blames me for ruining my mothers wedding in Las Vegas, oh yeah... but she IS a "LAWYER." Whatever...

I drove 30+ miles again today to get my medical records, only to learn once again, they cannot find them.

I am so glad that there are at least a few people out there who remember me from when I was a kid people, and a few people who can identify without three blood tests to be transferred to a medical facility.

Yes, I ASKED to be committed. I called for help. I said it every single way I knew how, without asking people who were most able to give it.

I never forget a slight, and I am extremely grateful to people who didn't ask questions or doubt my intentions. I will hold themin my my thoughts, and can safely peomise that I will never agai call upon you for help.

There is something to be said for paying it forward. So to people who actually took the time to phsyically see if I was okay, and to two very specuial ladies who brought me vclothing after everything I had in my possession ws taken away from me... and to the photographer who actually observed my injuries, thank you. I canhonestly say that I took one for the team. For the tweeters and twackers who let me know I was alone in my journey.. you're right I wasn't. You can tweet for peeps without bering certifiably nuts. That's not to say I am not certifiably nuts, but I thinks it rather pretentious for y'all to think that you know my mind better than I do after after 36 years. I want to believe that this feel connected to a world filled with hatred, bigotry and violence.... I made it through. And I already paid it forward.

It is pretty clear what I need, and I so tired of people asking why I can't find one. Have you seen the news? What I need is hot water. What I need is a safe place to go. What I need is the idiot who fucked up my computer to fix the damn thing. I wouldn't having a safe place for Spotty, and a little bit of acceptance. So out of respect for people that I once held in high regard, I chose to take the proper channels. I fed them information without claiming ownership... I sold a news story for $1.00. Kool... I made a dollar last year. That will pay the bills.

There were people I respected and admired, and now see as shallow and insincere. People who are afraid to be associated with someone "like" me? What exactly does that mean anyway? Aren't you impressed that I'm a Harvard Lagacy? Am I not one of the "Chosen People?"

Do you think I am living on a tiotal income of $615.00/month because it's fun?

If yes-- then jsyut let mek now... I'd be happy to see it done so I would know how to do it myself. Iam willing to learn from you, even your mistakes, so is there nothing of value that I can bring to this community???

Would you like to try going on welfare for three months or so? I think yo would enjoty the application process. After all there is nothing quite like it in the world.

So I was "ordered" not to vvolunteer, not to call the police if I hear bgun shgots, and I was ordered to use less than o100 words in every correspondence. There is something to be said for brevity, but their is also something to be sdaid about honesty, and isolation. SO tTHIS is my project to Save The Internet, because legal aid laughed at me when I told them that internet was scheduled to be diconnected.

Who needs internet anyway? Who needs information, communication and maybe even a small diversion from reality.

I foolishly believed that by volunteering in the community, I would come accross a real job with real wages and real benefits. Yeah, that was a great idea.

Don't worry.. I learned my lesson. I will volunteer no more. After all, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

Let it be known I'm a pretty quick study. I was cursed with a exceptionally vivid memory, and my cortisol levels have been running since 1995. You fiugure it out. (Robert Sapolsky: Why Zebra's Don't Get Ulcers)

I am truly offended by the events that led people to call my family half way around the world and the country, when all they really needed to fdo was ask me. Not all "kids" are lost... some don't want to be found.

I was told to "go home." Well guess what, people? I am home.

Who thought it was a good idea to call my mommy and daddy to tell them how I am "embarrassing myself?"

Really??? Do You think they care? KUDOS TO YOU!

www.youtube.com/v/xumsvSi8qz0&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&border=1">

Yes, I am reckless, I am loud, I am always right, and I am "out of my mind fucking nuts" also known as "OTWFN: Off The Wall Fucking Nuts" and that is the presumption. Don't forget, I am very much father's daughter, and am very much my mother's alibi. So thanks.

All the better for them because the crazier I am, the more credit they get for their excellent parenting. Guilty, as charged. I'm sooo embarrassed... how dare I post crazy shit like this online? Don't I know how bazzaar that seems? Don't you? Because let's face it... there are two possibilities:

(1) I'm telling the truth, and it is serious,

~or~

(2) I'm mot telling the truth, and it is serious

So for everyone who told me to go home... did you actually think my parents would rush in to rescue me? You have my parents would rush in to rescus me... sorry, but no. Now I'm stuck here.

And for the record, even suggesting that there is "home" to go to... well than YOU haven't been paying attention.

Don't you realize I am home?

I find it so hard to believe that after all this time people find it easier to speak around me and actrually think that is in my best interests? Sorry, but no.

And, you need not worry-- I don't need to be told twice where I'm not welcome.

I am less than 20 miles from several people who called Philadelphia, only to find that they don't want me either. Why would they possibly want to have me in their pristine, well-decorated homes when you paint such a lovely picture.

Guess what-- I' have never even seen my father's home... nor do I expect an invitation to Thanksgiving or Christmas.

So to all the people who "phoned home" to complain about e.d., job well done, you're stuck with me now.

And since I can't get a get a job, anmd I can't really afford the gas to go anywhere, I donb't think you need to call in a crisis team. I am perfectly happy sitting here by myself listening to my favorite youtube videos and thinking about everyone else tucjed safe and snug in their Ethan Allen beds. Good night to you all... you don't need to read this, and of course, you can ALWAYS hit delete.

That makes me sick. I never was really was a child, and it is really odd that people would start treating like one now. That is such bullshit, because child support was terminated on August 15, 1988. No other provisions were made, and I earned more money at 14 than I did in the last 10 years out together.

I miss The Barge. I think it is ridiculous that people would complain that I am "embarrassing myself.” At least I'm willing to take ownership of that one... was it less embarrassing to find out my mother contacted my professors and withdrew from classes because I was "too ill" to go to school.

Is any less embarrassing then being left at the airport on Thanksgiving Day? Or told that you do not deserve to go the dentist, that you can't sleep in the guest room if you have nightmares because you I might ruin the furnituDo think I actually give a shit about embarrassing myself? Do you think for a second they are counting on it? Did you think for one moment that there might, just, may be a reason I do not want to go home.

Is it less embarrassing than having your mother finds you "housing" at a long-term state psychiatric hospital, or being told that you might not have a fill on your soda because it cost $1.00? Is it any less embarrassing than finding out you have a new two months after he was born?

Yeah, I am embarrassed. Send me to Canada PLEEEZE!!!

Yes, I can act crazy. Yes, I may be crazy, and I sure a sh-t wish I was because there might be a possibility that created all of this "in my head.” It is not normal to have 43 addresses on file. It is not normal to care more about a cat than any single human alive. So, no, I am not normal, but does that make me bad? Does it make me dangerous? Does it want being told to "leave town" or take my own my own life so that society is not burdened by caring for me financially? Well, guess what-- I do not really care anymore, and there been many times in my life where I would rather not be alive, I refuse to let "them" Not like that.

So for so many people who have silenced me before, keep in mind I am NOT psychotic. And I am definitely mot "normal"

I am done. I so "over it" by now that if your embarrassed by my actions than you are giving me way too much power. I can own behavior, and I can accept my feelings. If you.

But I will not live in fear for the rest the of my life. And if I do get evicted tomorrow, so be it. It won't be the first time. And if your really lucky, there will some great new books donated to the public library. Yes, I AM ANGRY. Anger is a very strong emotion that is key to motivational theory. So yes, I am angry AND I am motivated.

According to my mother, lovely little creature that she is, I was evicted form childhood homes in Cherry Hill, Lawrence, Great Neck (North and South) and yes, of course, that was somebody else’s fault too.

Apparently was all my stepmother's fault. Nice. At least their mother would not allow them to be thrown away with each new boyfriend, tummy tuck, Jaguar or diamond ring.

So aren’t you guys glad you called my parents because now your stuck with me, my medical bills, and student debt. Isn't that special? I came here to work. I came here to be a part of something greater than myself. I came here to leave the past behind me. I filled my long nights volunteering at the Nashville Safehaven Family Shelter. I spent my days sleeping in four hour shifts, and hoping that my oh-so-vivid dreams might actually be pleasant for just one night.

So if and when I do leave, you can trust that I might just have to look back and think... about my death benefit under of $600 dollars and the mound of debt I acquired because no one thinks I am capable enough to work.

Why do I know that? Because I'm paying attention to the rules and I'm payoing attention to the news. It is not so random, and it not so crazy.

So here's your challenge: Blue vs. Blue; Curtis v. Klein, Varity v. Howe, and Pennsylvania Act 62. But don't worry, I'm am NOT a lawyer. And, for the record, I have never filed a single lawsuit in my entire life.

What the ~ is wrong with THAT picture??????

All I can say is this, I tried. I tried damn hard. But ya know, crazy is, crazy does.

Aren't you guys lucky to have me? This is my home. This WAS my home. Thanks for making me feel so welcome.

ed: over and out.

Good Fences

 

Stimulus Money Available to Save the Internet!

Sign the SavetheInternet.com petition.

Call your members of Congress today and demand that Net Neutrality be protected.

Legislative Plaza, Room 16: Mandatory Joint Custody:

URGENT CALL TO ACTION: MANDATORY JOINT CUSTODY
TENNESSEE WOMEN'S POLITICAL CAUCUS
NASHVILLE WOMEN'S POLITICAL CAUCUS
CONTACT: Janice Johnson (615) 369-0860
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Legislative Plaza, Room 16
12:30 pm
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear friends and colleagues:

I am writing to you as about a very important event that will be
taking place tomorrow at 12:30 at Legislative Plaza concerning
Mandatory Joint Custody for children of divorce.

You will find an official press document attached, however, I
am asking oy to please try to show your support AGAINST this
legislation.

I have known many of you for years, other's either professionally or for a short period of time.

I have decided to take part in this event because I was reminded
just the other day how difficult it can be to grow up in a
fragmented home.

I do not plan to say much tomorrow, however I think I can offer a
unique perspective on the unanticipated consequences of a broken
childhood. I plan to discuss how my parents divorce effected my
ability to recevie student loans, health insurance, and disiablility benefits.

For some of you it may not come as a surprise that a divorce
agreement can wreak havoc on a young adult at the
at the age of 22
or 23, but for others, I hope you will see that being on
TennCare,
housing subsidies, and other benefit programs is not always a
choice... and certainly one I owuld NEVER have chosen for myself.

My
issuue is not really with my parents at all, my issue is with a
court and
social welfare agencies that failed to intervene as a
child, and a system
that does not allow me to move forward.

With both of my parents out of
the country, I expect this meeting
will be a very safe place where everyone
is respectful and
considerate of one another.

Either way, I plan to
go, and hope that I will see at least one or
two friendly faces along the
way.

Please join me and so many others who feel strongly
about
defeating this legislation. And you can always go STAND FOR CHILDREN if you get
there a little early or plan to stay a little bit late!

Thank you for your time and consideration. I do hope I will see you
at Legislative Plaza tomorrow (Room 16, 13:30 PM) but if not, I hope
you will take a little time to do something to take care of yourself
and not just the people around you!


Best wishes,


Elyssa Durant

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Legislative Agenda – Week of March 23, 2009

Mandatory joint custody (aka split the baby) bills will be heard this week. These bills have immense potential for considerable harm to children, as evidenced by all of the organizations that oppose its implementation (see list below). There are 3 MJC bills slated to be heard in the House Children and Family Affairs Subcommittee “Domestic Relations.” This meeting takes place Wednesday, May 25 at 12:30 in LP16.

Link to subcommittee info:
http://www.capitol.tn.gov/house/committees/sub-domestic.html

Links to bill activity and summary:

HB 0002/SB: http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/Default.aspx?BillNumber=HB0002


HB 0802/SB 1257:
http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/Default.aspx?BillNumber=HB0802

HB 0398/*SB 0050:
http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/Default.aspxbillNumber=HB0398

Subcommittee members are Rep. Sherry Jones, (chair), Rep. Kevin Brooks (vice-chair), and Representatives Tommie Brown, Stacey Campfield, Terri Lynn Weaver, and Johnny Shaw.

Priority list for caucus members to contact: Reps. Brooks and Weaver (thought to be undecided) and Reps. Brown and Shaw (thought to be opposed to the bills, but real-life examples or experiences are helpful). Rep. Jones opposes MJC.
Note: Rep. Campfield is a bill sponsor.

The major talking points are below. There are hyperlinks for each representative’s contact info in the subcommittee link above. Please note that if any of these bills pass out of the subcommittee, we will need to contact the Children and Family Affairs Committee members found at this link:

http://www.capitol.tn.gov/house/committees/children-family.html

Please let us know if you have questions, require additional information and if you would be a prospect for an in-person meeting with “at-risk” Children and Family Affairs committee members should any of these bills pass out of this subcommittee on Wednesday. MJC is a major priority for the Caucus so we hope you’ll have an opportunity to help with the push that will be required if it passes out next week. If you know of other organizations that are opposed and would like to be listed officially opposing, please provide that information so we can enlarge our opposition coalition.


Holly Spann
Vice President, Legislation
Tennessee Women’s Political Caucus


PERTINENT INFORMATION

 Mandatory Joint Custody removes the court’s discretion to decide each case individually based on the child’s best interest.

 The bill requires the court to order equal custody in every case unless the parent opposing it can prove it is not in the child’s best interest, the “rebuttable presumption” standard.

 Many lower-income parents will be unable to afford litigation and will have to accept equal custody even if it is not in the child’s best interest.

 Many victims of domestic abuse will be afraid to litigate and will have to accept equal custody even if it is not in the child’s best interest.

 Most child mental health experts oppose equal custody in high-conflict cases as being detrimental to children.

 Under our current parenting plan law, all parents go through mediation. 90% to 95% of couples are able to agree upon an individualized parenting arrangement. This bill undercuts the efficacy of the parenting plan law.

 5% to 10% of custody cases involve parents who are so angry and hostile that the children are placed in the middle of a war zone. The court needs to have full discretion to order a parenting arrangement that is best for the children in those situations.




Organizations Opposed to Mandatory Joint Custody:



 Tennessee Bar Association

 Tennessee Judicial Conference

 Tennessee Women's Political Caucus

 Tennessee Federation of Business & Professional Women

 Tennessee Division of the National Organization for Women

 Tennessee Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence

 Tennessee Psychological Association

 National Association of Social Workers – TN Chapter

 Focus on the Family (Dr. James Dobson)



Janice Johnson
Nashville Women’s Political Caucus















*** posted by Elyssa Durant, 4/24/2009 ***

Crossroads.

We are at a crossroads.


This week, Congress is working to pass the President's budget. The President included $634 billion in the budget as a down payment on health care reform. Put simply, Congress must pass a budget that funds health care if we want to enact quality, affordable health care for all this year.


Members of Congress are saying that they are not hearing a lot from their constituents about the budget.







Click above to call your Members of Congress so they can hear from you.





The Washington Post reports that this weekend, thousands of volunteers who supported President Obama during the campaign talked to their neighbors about the President's economic plan, which is laid out in the budget.1 Here's how Randall Stagner of Raleigh, N.C. pitched the idea to his neighbors:

"You tell people specifically what the president is doing and encourage them to reach out to their senators and representatives and tell them, 'No kidding, we voted for change, and that includes you.' "

Your Members of Congress need to know you voted for change in November and you mean it! It's time to make your voice heard and make sure President Obama's budget passes, so we can get our economy back on track and win quality, affordable health care for all in 2009.

We've put together some easy-to-use talking points to help you send a strong message to your Members of Congress that you support the President's budget.


Can you give your Members of Congress a call and ask them to support the President's budget?


With your voice, we can make sure we pass quality, affordable health care for all this year.

To your health,


Levana
Health Care for America Now





P.S. We delivered your petition to make Karen Ignagni, the CEO of America's Health Insurance Plans, to Keith Olbermann and MSNBC last week. No word yet on whether they will accept our request, but we'll be sure to keep you informed.

Filling in the Blanks: Competency v. Transparency

ALLIANCE FOR COMPLIANCE: A CALL TO ACTION... NOW!

Please read this carefully, and sign YOUR name if you can relate to single thing I have written below. Please keep in mind that I committed myself to a complete an online project related to healthcare by March 21, 2009, and right now this is the best I can do... recognize that this article is still very much a work a progress... but I need the your help and support personally, professionally and for our brothers and sisters here and across the world who are unable to speak for themselves or access the Internet to join in my campaign for an Army of ONE. Thanks guys... especially to those tweeters and crazies out there who helped carry me through this difficult time... Thx... ElyssaD


MEDICAL ALERT: Patient Safety NOW!

After refusing to sign several documents while seeking treatment at the emergency room on March 7, 2009, I found my self locked up on a 6044 hold at a local hospital in Nashville, Tennessee.

The most critical documents included a complicated consent form (informed consent for treatment) and several others regarding the assignment of benefits, insurance forms, HIPPA compliance, payment responsibility forms, and a few others.

When I requested that I be given a few minutes to read and process the legally binding agreements I was being given, they became angry and impatient.

Part 10: Declarations for Mental Health Treatment

33-6-1001 [NEW]
A competent adult may make a declaration for mental health treatment to express the person’s preferences and instructions about participation in mental health treatment, including hospitalization for a maximum of fifteen (15) days, psychoactive and other medications, and electroconvulsive and other convulsive therapies. The declaration may include consent to or refusal to permit mental health treatment and other instructions and information for mental health service providers.

33-6-1002 [NEW]
IF AND ONLY IF
(1) (A) a court determines in a proceeding to appoint a conservator under title 34,
chapters 11 and 13, that a person is currently unable to make an informed
decision about mental health treatment as shown by the fact that the person is
not able to understand the proposed procedure, its risks and benefits, and the
available alternative procedures due to a diagnosed mental illness, OR
(B) (i) (a) two physicians examine a person, OR
(b) a physician with expertise in psychiatry by training, education, or
experience and a psychologist designated as a health service
provider examine a person, AND
(ii) the examiners determine that the person is currently unable to make an
informed decision about mental health treatment as shown by the fact
that the person is not able to understand the proposed procedure, its risks
and benefits, and the available alternative procedures due to a diagnosed
mental illness,
THEN
(2) the person is “incapable of making mental health treatment decisions” for purposes of this part.

33-6-1003 [NEW; derived in part from Tenn. Code Ann § 34-6-207]
(a) A declaration for mental health treatment continues in effect for two (2) years, for a lesser period if so stated, or until revoked, whichever is sooner. If a declaration for mental health treatment has been invoked and is in effect at expiration under the preceding sentence, the declaration remains effective until the service recipient is capable of making mental health treatment decisions but no more than thirty (30) days after the expiration date. Subsequent declarations shall conform to all requirements of 33-6-1004.
(b) A service recipient may revoke a declaration in whole or in part at any time orally or in writing if the service recipient is capable of making mental health treatment decisions. http://state.tn.us/mental/t33/compilation6-30-05.pdf (page 189-190)

In retrospect, I suppose it really didn't matter what I was signing, since I clearly have a good argument for diminished capacity, especially now that I have had time to reflect on the sick irony of it all.

After all, how could I be asked to sign a document accepting financial responsibility if I was clearly out of my freakin' mind?

And although one could argue diminished capacity, or no fault by reason of mental defect or disease, hind-sight is 20/20, so I assumed
that I would be held to that contract much like I was held to the terms of my student loans, my car loan, the non-compete clause from my last employer, or even the Columbia music club I signed up for when I was twelve.... you know the one where they send you 12 CDs (or cassette tapes if you hit puberty during the 80's) for the price of a penny???

Yes, they all held me to the terms of my contract... either by hunting me down and harassing me endlessly over the phone; reporting adversely to the credit bureaus, sending me to collection; and even a few times to court in an attempt to collect a debt from a creditor. They all held me to the terms of my contract, so i thought I should be cautious before entering into any others...

In fact, I was in Civil Court yesterday for a being sued for a $21 balance on my water bill. Granted it has since been paid in full and the check has been cashed... but now they have added late fees, attorney fees, court costs and a bunch of other things to the complaint, so I
with the addition of a late fee of $4.50, so you can expect to see me in Court again next Friday, hopefully with an attorney present if I can find one to represent me against this ridiculous claim.

Keep in mind that it will cost me $12 to park; the fact that balance has been paid in full, and for those of you who have been following along and paying attention, don't forget about the four days I went without hot water.

Add to that the 12-24 hours I spent in constant contact with the police regarding a shooting in the just below mine, clearly I must be
hysterical, on drugs, or both to make repeated calls to 862-8600 non-emergency police hotline, and then escalating it by making several calls to 911. Is it any wonder that I am acting just a little bit strange?

Well, to get back to the reason I am writing without reservation today, I currently face eviction and that makes me a bit anxious... because no sooner than I could return home form the Psychiatric Unit and take a hot bath at "my" apartment, that someone showed up from the Sheriff's office to serve me with a warrant (that was written on pink carbon paper and modified multiple times making it difficult to read or understand what I was being charged with, when I needed to be in court, and what I needed to do to adequately defend myself.

So within within hours of being medically cleared and released from a 5-day stay at "Club Head." the Sheriff shows up with eviction papers, and my mother became extremely concerned that I she might lose money if she has to change the flight... well since then she has severed the "family plan contract" and removed me a primary account holder on my cell phone contract, turned off the e-mail and text messaging feature, changed MY password, and has sworn never to speak to me again.

My cell phone number is being held hostage through T-Mobile so I cannot take my number with me to another carrier (even if I had the money or the credit to open an account with another provider, and has
promised to cut off my cell service on the last day of the contract, at midnight tonight (March 22, 2009). All this because I wanted to change my flight to Las Vegas to attend her fourth wedding to a man she met
less than six months ago... but, I digress... and there I go, talking "crazy" again...

"RESET" ... and now back to the original program...


Back at the hospital... I refused to sign the admission papers until and unless I was given the opportunity to read the forms, process the information, and make an educated decision about the treatment I was requesting for whatever that prompted several people call my parents and my sister, to ask them what the ~ is wrong with me.

In fact, with a few exceptions (for which I am eternally grateful) very few people thought to pick up the phone and call ME.

Instead, they decided it was better to call my mother, who decided to take a holiday in Burlington, Vermont at the time, and didn't bother to check in on anything other than the dress I would be wearing to her Las Vegas wedding. Apparently several people attempted to contact my father's in his Philadelphia office, but he was in Denver at the time, and just left for a two week trip to Austria to lecture on "The Assertion by U.S. Courts of Extraterritorial Jurisdiction" So it is safe to say that he will be unavailable for at least the next two weeks...

Some people gossiped, others deleted me from their "friends list," and one woman actually had the nerve to post a statement online stating that she removed my comments from webspace since I must have been high on drugs to express any anger towards her personally; probably unaware that even if she believes that I was foolish enough to delete her e-mail, the good news about the new FaceBook layout is that they retain a copy... oops!) So while I spent a whole day crying over the e-mail she had sent me, and just passing waiting for computer to be repaired so that I can accurately amend that state,emt, I look forward to doing so. That is what I call transparency, especially since I donated $5.44 without realizing that it was a political organization rather than a grassroots local charity. Lucky for me, or lucky them, when asked about my employer, I had recognized that the I had not officially registered as a lobbyist with the State for this session. So, Miss Kathy... if your offended now, I'm sorry, but I really need that $5.44 back just in case I do take another position as a contract lobbyist with the legislature. I haven't checked with the state yet, since I have too busy "volunteering" and have had the time, tech support, or any ewxtramoney to spend at Star buck's just so I could look up the necessary procedures to see if I am guilty of a possible ethics violation by donating to your "non-partisan" grassroots campaign. Why don't you send me the paperwork, at your convenience, since you have all the technology and volunteers that you need at the -n-p headquarters.

While the woman referenced above may have been the most offensive and outspoken member of my "community," she was not the only one who have made me reconsider how I feel about the community I choose to live in... How difficult could would it have been to pick up the phone and call me, rather than god knows who else, to find out what the ~ was wrong with me.

Perhaps may not have realized that I had witnessed several crimes within the two months; been evicted for non-payment of rent -- that is legally set up so that I do not and can not make adjustments to my basic living expenses.

I requested that about 5 years ago, only to watch other people screw up even more than I did. The problem is, while I have neither the authority or autonomy to make adjustments to that account, I most certainly am held accountable on a day-to-day real world basis.

So for people who did make those calls to my family, the courts, or to whomever it it was who ultimatelyt decided it was in the best interest of the community to remove me from it... I would rather not read about it when i receive a copy of the 6044 order. I would appreciate if you would call me personally or send me a confidential e-mail to let me know, so that I don't have to hear about it from some doctor, lawyer, my parents (who fit into both categories) or read about it in the paper.

I you feel I need to be removed from my home for my own safety or the safety of others, then I suggest you try libving here for a few weeks on my income, with my bills, and my expenses, and my neighbors... then tell me what you would do and where you would go?

Perhaps a greater concern and reason to be removed is because of the chronic and violent crime that several times each month in the apartment complex where I live. That might be appropriate. And if you would like to why I still live here, well, then just send me an e-mail, and I'll tell you why. My hands are killing me and if I don;t get up now (thanks Maria B for that suggestion!!!) Even if I get NOTHING accomplished today, I think I still deserve a few moments to enjoy a little bit of sunshine.

To those people who may have been genuinely concerned but kept your distance out of fear, ignorance, or just plain next time instead of calling me, dropping by to see if I was really "OK" most people chose to speak around me rather than with me. I carry my medical records with me, as well as multiple forms of legal identification, such as my state issued driver's license, birth certificate, organ donation card, and a whole bunch of "OCD kits" in case I happened to get stranded in my car and need a pen, a flashlight, bottled water, and a old cell phone that does not have a SIM card, but still dials 911. So please, stop asking people who barely know me at all, what the ~ is wrong with me. I may speak a little bit fast, and a little bit loud, but keep in mind that I have been asking for help (160 words per minute-- thanks Ian) but I have silenced, ignored, and written off by by the Powers That Beat ever since I was a small child. I have a lot to say, if I ever get the chance.

I would have preferred people contact me directly, because none of this occurred within a vacuum or some alternate reality (so far I know thus far).

With very few exceptions, the community I have made my home for the last 13 years failed to take the simple route... clearly it would have been easier to call me or stop by my neighborhood to see if I was truly exaggerating and completed psychotic. This is one example how the simple route would have been far more efficient, effective, and empowering than the less direct route to locate my family scattered throughout the world and the country, each with busy, uncompromising schedules that they do not share with me.

Many people suggested that I "go home," without realizing that THIS is my home. I would not have left home at such an early age if I felt living with either of my parents was at all possible. The answer is no. I have never seen the home my father has lived in for the last 15 years or so, and mother just redecorated her house and the "guest room" in anticipation of her new husband moving into her $850,000 two-bedroom condo just outside of Manhattan.

I am not welcome there. And for the short period of time I did spend "living" after the 9/11 disaster, I slept on the floor in the guest room because it was more comfortable than the pullout sofa.

She had made it quite clear, on more than one occasion that I am not welcome there, and has been known to invite me for "family" get togethers, only to ask me to leave days before I was scheduled to fly out. She has made it quite clear that I am not welcome in her home, and refused to meet me in public unless I agree to wear make-up and decent clothing.

If you want to know what I did to make them so angry, then, and only then, would I suggest you call them to find out. Maybe you could clue me in should you learn anything of value.

"RESET: ... and now back to the original program..."

So back to 6044:

Apparently this (reading the documents before signing and consulting with a person of "sound" mind) was an unreasonable request.

By refusing to sign without being given the opportunity to consult with a member of my immediate family who serves both as my medical proxy and healthcare decision maker, and power of attorney, I was escorted by two security guards to the third floor where all of my personal belongings and cell cell phone were quickly confiscated.

Simply because I refused to sign a blank consent?

It was my understanding that informed consent is the standard of care for medical treatment in the united States. Furthermore, to be denied the opportunity to consult with my medical decision maker, it seems that they should have done so especially if they were planning to administer medical treatment without my consent.

My medical proxy is clearly identified in my medical records, and even listed on the back of my drivers license with a "MR / ICE" [Medical Record / In Case of Emergency.]

So, I refused to sign.

Part 1: Rights of Residential Service Recipients
33-4-101 [Former § 33-3-104(1)]
A person with mental illness, serious emotional disturbance, or developmental disability is entitled to:

(1) Receive visitors during regular visiting hours, and
(2) Communicate, orally or by sending and receiving
uncensored mail, with the service recipient’s family,
attorney, personal physician, minister, and the courts.

All other incoming mail or parcels may be read or opened before being delivered to a service recipient, if the chief officer of the facility believes the action is necessary for the physical or mental health of the service recipient who is the intended recipient. Mail or other communication which is not delivered to the service recipient for whom it is intended shall be returned immediately to the sender. The chief officer may make reasonable rules regarding visitors, visiting hours, and the use of communication resources. http://state.tn.us/mental/t33/compilation6-30-05.pdf (page 115)

Hospital personnel did not pull my primary care records or even attempt to to take a medical history report, or locate my next of kin / emergency contact.

I chose this hospital because it is conveniently located on the same medical campus as my primary care provider, radiologist, and has a contract with my insurance company as as a participating (and preferred) provider.

Given the fact that all of this information was readily accessible [my medical records and providers are conveniently located within the same medical facility and hospital network] I do not feel I was making an unreasonable request.

By refusing that request, I feel the hospital failed to take reasonable safety precautions that are the accepted standard of care within the medical community, and considered to be among the "best practices" identified by the state health boards, accreditation bureaus, professional licensing and certification boards.

After clearly stating my requests, and subsequent objection, I was promptly escorted upstairs by two uniformed security officers who refused to give me there name, employee ID number, show me any type of identification badge or ID number within plain sight or marked on their uniforms.

Once inside the unit, I tried to call my sister, (my medical proxy and emergency contact) to alert her that I was being at the emergency room. They listed the wrong name and MR number on my ID bracelet. I actually had two ID bracelets on with conflicting information, yet neither contained allergy information, or medical history alerts.

Security would not allow me to make a phone call and used excessive force to grab me by the arm and take the cell phone out of my hand.

I explained that I had a medical allergy, and was intolerant to Haley, and have a lesion on my thoracic spine T1-T6 with cord damage and nerve root compression concentrated at T2-T3.

The nursing staff also refused to pull my medical records or take reasonable precautions to ensure my medical or physical safety and did not make any attempt to contact my primary care provider or my sister.

In fact, they claimed that my repeated requests were not only unreasonable, but a threat to my safety and the safety of others. Really???

At that point I held on tight to my deactivated old Nokia cell phone, circa 2001, and attempted to call 911. They quickly and forcefully pulled the phone out of my hands and physically began to restrain me through the use of physical force and medical intervention.

First they grabbed my left arm. pulled the dead cell phone out of my right hand; and escorted me into a room wit no windows, no call buttons, no bathroom, no fire exists or intercom, and no way to contact emergency medical or emergency personnel.
33-3-120 [NEW]

(a) Service recipients have the right to be free from isolation and restraints, in any form, imposed as a means of coercion, discipline, convenience or retaliation by staff. Restraints include physical and mechanical restraints and drugs used to control behavior or to restrict freedom of movement if the drug or the dosage of the drug is not a standard treatment for the service recipient’s medical or psychiatric condition. Isolation is placement of a person alone in a room from which egress is prevented. Isolation and restraint may be used only while the condition justifying its use exists.

(b) A person with mental illness or serious emotional disturbance may be isolated or restrained only in emergency situations if necessary to assure the physical safety of the person or another person nearby or to prevent significant destruction of property. If a person imposes restraints or isolation, the person shall immediately contact a qualified mental health professional who is permitted under department rules to authorize the isolation or restraint. If the treating physician is not the person who orders isolation or restraint, the treating physician shall be consulted as soon as possible. A professional authorized to permit isolation or restraint shall see and evaluate the person for the need for isolation or restraint within one hour of the intervention.

(c) A person with developmental disability may be restrained only as part of an approved plan or in emergency situations if necessary to assure the physical safety of the person or another person nearby or to prevent significant destruction of property. Isolation may only be used with a person with developmental disability as part of the person’s approved plan. Only psychologists, psychological examiners, senior psychological examiners, physicians, behavior analysts, masters degree social workers, and others authorized to do so under department rules may develop a plan that includes or authorizes isolation or restraint of a person with developmental disability.

(d) Staff shall remain in the physical presence of a person in restraint. Staff shall continuously observe a person in isolation or restraint for the health and well being of the person.

(e) The professional shall record the use of restraint or isolation, the reasons for its use, and the duration of its use in the person’s record.

(f) All staff who may have direct contact with a person being restrained or isolated shall receive ongoing education and training in alternative methods for handling behavior and the safe use of isolation and restraint. http://state.tn.us/mental/t33/compilation6-30-05.pdf (page 76-77)

I was forced into submission by two men, for what seemed like a couple of minutes, though I can't be sure since there were no visible clocks and it was right around 2 am on the day we change the clocks for daylights savings time.

After being pushed me into the ground face and stomach against the floor, my arms were twisted behind my back.

I was then placed into an room with no emergency call buttons, intercom, bathroom, fire alarms and forcibly pushed into a plastic mattress in the corner. I mus have either feel asleep or lost consciousness because I woke up several hours later in the same room, with no emergency call buttons, intercom, bathroom, fire alarms, and laying on a plastic mattress in the corner.

With my head still pushed into the plastic mat, and my seems behind my back, one of them removed my black leggings and injected me with an unknown substance.

One of the men returned a few minutes later to taunt me through the observation window. The same man who injected me refused to give me his name, an employee ID number, or the name of the medication I was injected with. He told me he was "self employed" and taunted me about through the observation window. He threatened me, and laughed when I told him that I hope he remembers my face the next time he looks his own daughter in the face.

He thought this was absolutely hysterical, and was laughing uncontrollably and made physical gestures towards me and kept moving towards me despite my repeated requests that to stand two feet away from my body. He kept making rapid threatening movements towards me and removed his identification badge, from his uniform, and told me that unless I sit down he would be forced to physically restrain using whatever means he deemed necessary.

I am trained TAPS (Therapeutic Assault Prevention Systems) and Verbal De-escalation, and received my certification through the State of Tennessee Department of Children's Services, October 15, 2004. I can assure you that there was nothing therapeutic in the way I was restrained.

I was held on 6044 Involunatary Commitment (commonly referred to as a 2PC: Two Physician Commitment.) After four days, I was handed given a document to sign that would transfer me from 6044 / Involuntary status to a voluntary patient, and then gioven a notice that my TennCare would stop payment within 48 hours. http://state.tn.us/mental/t33/compilation6-30-05.pdf

DISCHARGE SUMMARY: (unofficially of course since the nurse I called the other said that patients are not released with discharge summaries...???) but here are my notes I wrote within 48 hours of being discharged:

"I have cuts multiple cuts, bruises, abrasions, ankle pain, and hand and injuries that were not treated or evaluated medically during my stay, Given multiple injections, and discharged without meds. They refused to acknowledge that I have an allergy / intolerance to Haldol.

I have a 4-day supply of Geodon, 18-day supply of Klonopin, all of which must be paid out pof pocket. Trazodone (the cheapest medication I was prescribed) cost $24.19 but was covered by mey TennCare.

I was released without any medication, just a written prescription for three medications; and returned to my apartment where the shooting occured; had to pay $54.00 to retrieve my car from the parking facility, and could not get a ride to the pharmacy until that evening.... several hours AFTER I was shceduled to take my medications. The driver that was sent to pick me up from the hospital through transportation TennCare transportation, told me she did nothave time to take me to the pharmacy, even if only to frop of the [prescriptions to be processed. I was assured that the Geodon would be pre-authorized by TennCare, but it was not. The pharmacy could not even start the appeal process or let me know what the status of the prior-authorization rquest until he had a hard copy of the prescription so it could be run through the system.

Once we learned it had not been approved, it was well after 5 pm on Friday afternoon, so getting prior authorization before MOnday was unlikely. Because Tennessee no longer offers either a 3-day or 14-day emergency supply of medication (resulting from the legal battle known as "Grier" I was basically SOL (sh-t out of luck)

The 18-day supply for Geodon would have cost $243.19. I received 30 tablets. Approximately a 5-day supply since they hospital staff did not get the medication pre-authorized as they were instructed by the physician, the unit supervisor, and pestered relentlesly by me-- Elyssa)

Up until the time I left, I was prescribed Lorazapam which remained active on my medical chart and was never dicontinued, yet I was discharged without a prescription (Ativan 1mg. PRN) tobe taken every 406 hours as needed for anxiety and panic attacks.

I should have taken one before I left the hospital..."

Just before leaving, I asked, just as I had each time I took my meds for the 5 days I spent on the unit, if they were able to locate the record for the second injection that I was given while unconscious on the plastic mat.

"I am waiting for my Celexa to be approved at the pharmacy,
since Effexor was not covered. I have at least puncture wounds from at least 7 injections, cuts and bruises and abrasions, that were not medically treated or evaluated during my stay. In short, I need Geodon prior-authorization, med transport to pharmacy and medical transport to appt on Wednesday, 10am. The Geodon cost $243.19 for the 18-day supply, and the $523.19 for 30 days. Effexor and Cymbalta (ewhich ever is decideldly more therapeutic) requires prior authorization. and I have already requested a copy of my medical records from the psych unit asap. They have 10 days (it is now about 5 remaining) before the
are in violation, and do not feel I should be required to pay $2.00/page for a copy. I had to pay $54 in cash for parking, and this is all I can type for right now. I'm currently loooking at a minimum monthly pharmacy bill of $1650.01.

My monthly income from diasbility is $615.00 which must cover ALL of my living expenses. Maybe I'll write more on this later, maybe not..." Elyssa Durant, March 17th, 2009.

TODAY: Sunday, March 22, 2009:

I have another primary care appointment scheduled for Wednesday, and a psychiatric appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I must be in Civil Court on Friday at 8:45 because I am being sued for water fees ($21-) and was served with papers by the Sheriff's office with hours of returning home. The landlord is in receipt of that money and has "accepoted it with reservations" but is still seeking posession of the premises.

The attorney who represents my Landlord, Eric Stiler, refuses to speak with me over the telephone, and demands that any and all correspondence be sent via fax or first class mail to his Post Office Box. He refuses to accept an electronic copy offrom Legal Aid, that contains a list of precious violations against the property management, Section 8 violations documented by MDHA, or a ntarized affidavit signed by my anattorney authorized by the Social Security Administration to handle all my finances including the receipr of my disability check and the disbursement of my rent, and utilities (telephone and internet not included) the authorized representive MDHA and e-mail documents including a 6-page Affidavit signed by my Representative Payee must be faxed, mailed, but claims that regardless of any documwentation he receives, he will still be seeking eviction since that is what "his client" wants.

I have no fax machine, I am running extremely low on gasoline and printer ink, and my internet is scheduled to be disconnected on March 29, 2009 due to an overdue balance of $123.64.

Note: I originally wrote this email from my cell phone since my laptop computer had been brokem and the library only allows you to use login for 30 minutes at a time. I would say this setup is rather which is rather inefficient at best.

Please join me in an Alliance for Compliance to protect both individual rights, encourage medical compliance, and enhance patient safety, by letting you voice be heard.

-- insert click to call here --


http://healthcareforamericanow.org/site/action_center


Thank you all,

Elyssa Durant
Cell 615.424.8810
ed70@columbia.edu
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I do hope someone is keeping track of "crazy" posts I have been putting up, since it is very difficult for me to get organized within the technical and finacial contraints I am currently facing. Kindly take note of these complaints.

Because despite how dtramge, or crazy you may believe someone is acting, it would my personal advice to take a second lok before passing judgment or acting out of ofd tuen. You may inadvertently place them in a situation far worse tha the one you believe they are in. I will follow up when I have better access to a computer. ;-)

(modified / updated 3/22/2009 11:46am)