Severely Disturbed

The correspondence below, along with many others who just pretend I don't exist.

Now I know exactly how much I mean to this City. PAY ME TO LEAVE!!!!!

There is nothing quite so disturbing as being invisible. Yes. I am homeless. I have lived through a shooting, an assault by a security guard at a medical facility, and with no other place to go, I rented a room in a house for low income adults who are SEVERELY FUCKING DISTURBED!!!!

Now I am deeply disturbed too. I am deeply disturbed that this is the best we can do.

At least I know I need help, and when to get it. Despite being owned by a CMHA [Community Mental Health Agency] and the recipient of both state and federal funds, the only rule in this house is don't call 911. In other words, when locked out or assaulted by one of the 3 other house mates, Mobile Crisis is OFF LIMITS. Now I know better than anyone that Mobile Crisis sucks, but when you are standing beneath a 6 foot woman holding a waffle iron over your head, 911, mobile crisis, IDGAF who intervenes, just someone do something!

I called the crisis hotline the other day. In all honesty, I just had no one else to talk to, my internets had been disconnected and sabotaged, the house phone locked up. I was just lonely (and locked out during a tornado warning)

But trust me, there is nothing quite like sticking me in a house with SSPMI (super severe persistent mental illness) that make me look almost normal and and a landlord with a no-call policy against Mobile Crisis and mental health helplines.

I have lost everything near and dear to me since I first offered to participate with the local police department after the shooting downstairs. That was in February.

Next, I lose Spotty because not a single person in Nashville has enough compassion to rescue an innocent animal that I rescued from one of clients several years ago. And you wonder why I'm so angry?

PLEASE SAVE SPOTTY http://darknightdurant.blogspot.com/2009/04/please-save-spotty.html

Don't worry, I know you want my silence, that message came through loud and clear.

You can take everything from me [actually, you already have] but you will not take my voice. And I can promise you this, my memory is long, and it is hot. Look it up assholes, hot memory.

Yeah... you did this. Now it's my turn.

Continue to sneak a peak every now and then.... your e-mails will appear on this page. Fuck you, and fuck you right back. Happy Anniversary, Elyssa. You have officially been a resident of this fine fucking state for exactly 13 years.

Kicking ass, not so much... taking names... you can bet your sweet ass I am!


....JUST ONE MORE UNANSWERED LETTER...

Legal Aid / or pro-bono refused to will represent me since my parents are attorneys. They told me I would have to get the money for court fees and a court reporter from them. That just ain't gonna happen.

I am 36 years old.

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful in any way-- you have been extremely kind and gracious towards me, I am just exhausted by this process and I think it is pretty easy to see that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want it all can make sure it on the record before I loose my section 8. When I called Metro Crisis, they told, "well, you are just fgoing to have to accept the fact that you are going to be homeless."

I'm not quite sure how one prepares to do that, but I'm trying.